Here...and the Hope of Glory

Laundry

2012-01-26T13:53:00.003-05:00

I'm writing about laundry instead of doing laundry! How do you like that?

I grew up on a farm. Lived in the same house my whole childhood. We had two washing machines. One for the normal loads of laundry and one for the work clothes - those jeans and shirts that landed in the hamper covered in dirt and grease and manure.

And then college came. Had to drag my clothes to the elevator, descend to the basement and fight hundreds of other girls for a machine. It wasn't all bad. We didn't need quarters; just load money on a card, swipe the card, and you're in business. Plus I discovered that the machines were very available early on Saturday mornings!

Marriage brought new living quarters in seminary housing. The washer and dryer that we shared with other tenants were right outside our door. So, other than sharing and needing lots of quarters, it felt like the laundry room was almost part of our house. Almost.

Matt graduated. We moved again. Three times in about three months. We finally landed in our condo (that we sadly still own). Now the laundry facilities were a little hike from our home. And I had a baby, which means more laundry. So doing laundry involved sticking the baby in the stroller and dragging the clothes basket behind me while the stroller, basket and I zigzagged our way to the laundry room. Fortunately we lived in Florida, so at least the trek was mostly bathed in sunshine with no snow to fight.

I can't begin to tell you how I now love having my own washer and dryer INSIDE my house! Years of deprivation create a very thankful heart! Even though it's been several years since I've zigzagged to a laundry facility, I don't think I will ever take our washer and dryer for granted!

I don't need quarters!

I don't have to share (yikes, that sounds selfish!).

One drawback: the laundry closet is in the garage, so it's chilly (okay, cold) in the winter and melting snow from the van tires can be annoying. But, really, it's a great set-up!

And we have the best landlord ever. Yesterday one of the closet doors fell off. I don't know what I did, but it was unfixable. So we called the landlord, and he was over within 30 minutes. Got it fixed within 10.

I'll probably attack laundry tomorrow. And I'll be thankful for a closet door that opens and shuts. For easily accessible machines. For our landlord. And I'll probably pray for a thankful heart for all the lessons we learn through The-Condo-That-Won't-Go-Away!

A Day with My Girl

2012-01-23T06:19:00.028-05:00

This past weekend was planned special - just for Reese! During the whole month of January she counted down the days until the 21st, which is when we had a girl party planned with mommy, Aunt Kara and Aunt Jenna. A girl party that included a visit to CMU to watch their gymnastics team compete.

By the time Saturday arrived, Reese could hardly sleep at night. She kept getting up to tell me that it was almost time for the girl party! I suppose I should have kept it a secret because she was a tad bit sleepy once the day actually arrived. But I loved her excitement and counting down the days with her. Sometimes half the fun is the anticipation!

Saturday with Reese, Jenna and Kara was perfect! Have I mentioned that I love Matt's sisters??!! And it was lovely to spend all day focusing on Reese, even though her lack of sleep won out in the end! A very special day. Turns out, though, that I had another special day spending lots of time with her the next day - only this day wasn't planned.

Reese fell at church on Sunday and got a little gash on her forehead. I don't think it hurt too badly, but the blood scared her immensely. I am not a nurse. Have had no first aid training (maybe I should change that). So I was incredibly grateful that I have a lot of friends at church who are nurses. They stepped right in and took charge. After a trip to the ER and 3 stitches, Reese was excited to get home and show Jackson her battle wound.

So I ended up with another special day with Reese. We chatted lots with Daddy in the emergency room.

And late that afternoon, while everyone else went to church, Reese and I cuddled and watched a movie. She's a trooper! Love that girl! So glad she's mine!

Thankful for Trouble

2012-01-18T07:28:00.000-05:00

Last post I said I was thankful for eggs. Today I am thankful for trouble! For Chase getting into trouble!

Don't let that innocent face fool you! He's into trouble - and lots of it - these days!

It wasn't that long ago when he was a floppy little guy, content to lay on the floor, showing little interest in toys or exerting himself. And when he could finally sit by himself, he was pleased as punch to stay in that one spot.

The pony walker and butt scooting definitely opened up more doors to trouble!

But now that he is walking, trouble is his middle name! He loves to reach up on the counter or table and quickly grab whatever is in reach. We've had a lot of spilled bowls of cereal over the past couple of weeks. Reaching in and of itself is a huge thing for him. His therapists and I have been working a lot on the skill of putting his hands above his head. And now I get to reap (or clean up) the benefits of that mastered skill!

Case in point! It was a cozy Saturday morning. I was cuddled with Jackson and Reese on the couch reading a book. I thought Chase was playing in his room. About five minutes into our book, I realized that I no longer heard noise from Chase's room. In fact, I couldn't hear noise from him at all. So we went to investigate.

This is what we found!

Our little guy sitting on the kitchen floor, surrounded by crumbs, stuffing brownies into his mouth as fast as he could! The brownies, all seven or eight of them, had been on the counter. Pushed back. I thought they were out of reach. Guess not! He has a longer wingspan than I realized!

Crumbs were everywhere! He had butt scooted over a brownie or two, so you can imagine what his bottom looked like! I was sure that I would find several brownies when I turned the plate over. Nope! The little vulture had eaten or smooshed every last one of the treats!

Jackson, Reese and I couldn't help but laugh! And I can't help but be thankful that my little man can walk and reach and cause trouble. Even if it makes more work for me. I'll take it!

Two more reasons for thankfulness: We caught him before he butt scooted on the carpet with his brownie-covered bottom. And Matt changed the diaper that contained the effects of brownie consumption! I'm married to the best, most thoughtful man ever!

Follow Through

2012-01-17T14:05:00.002-05:00

Today I am thankful for eggs! Yes, eggs!

A friend from church gave us a dozen of his farm-fresh, BROWN eggs!

Eggs are eggs. They taste wonderful whether they are white or brown. (I had to convince the kids of this before they would eat them!) But still. I am so excited to have brown eggs.

When I was a kid, I had Rhode Island Red hens. They laid brown eggs. Having my own chickens was special to me, probably because dad wanted me to raise them, and he went to all the work to build me a chicken coop (it was very unique!). I even wrote about how many eggs my chickens laid every day in my diary when I was 10!

Our friend giving us a dozen eggs didn't take a lot of money. Just thoughtfulness. And following through with the idea. The eggs reminded me of home and made my night! That little, thoughtful act was more than little to me.

I wonder how many times I could have made someone's day by following through with a thought of kindness. Sometimes I think of kind actions, but life is busy. And the action seems too little to be of great significance. So I let busyness push aside thoughtfulness.

Eggs are now my call to thoughtfulness. To follow through! Whenever I take an egg out of the carton, which is quite often, I want to remember the significance of a little act of kindness. And act!

Thank You, Winter!

2012-01-12T13:06:00.001-05:00

Because I am an immigrant to Michigan and have never been a fan of Michigan winters, I feel I should acknowledge my love for the winter we have had thus far!

I love the warmer temps and no snow (please don't hate me!). I even love the multiple shades of brown found in a landscape devoid of snow!

I know snow is on the way. Snow is beautiful. I can't deny that!

But for today, let me indulge myself in subtle shades of brown, streaks of green and relative warmth.

I will do my best to let you indulge in freezing temps, treacherous snow and hazardous driving conditions without complaint in the days to come!

Frustration

2012-01-10T06:00:00.003-05:00

Most of the time, life with Chase looks like this. Lots of smiles! And fun!

Except it's not all smiles quite as often these days. Notice his tense little mouth and outstretched hand...signals that a fit is coming and that I better prepare to duck because he's about ready to try to claw off my face.

He's two. Tantrums come with two. But his fits are so much meaner lately than I've ever seen from him. Clawing. Kicking. Scratching.

It makes me sad because I'm sure a lot of his fits stem from his frustration with communication. Or lack of it. Sometimes I know what he wants. I know that he's throwing a fit because he didn't get his way or someone took his toy or he doesn't like therapy or he doesn't like Matt kissing me or he doesn't approve of a friend greeting me with a hug. But sometimes the fits come out of the blue. Smiles one second. Terror the next. And once the tantrum starts, it's almost impossible to pull him out of it. He gets lost in the frustration and anger and can't find his way back out.

It's gotta be frustrating to have severe limitations in communication.

Chase claps his hands to sign for "more." Or occasionally to signal that he doesn't like something and wants it changed. He does this from time to time when I'm singing to him. Either I get way off key, which would not be surprising, or he just doesn't like that song at the time. Whatever the reason, he wants it changed!

But there are no words. So body language is his only language. And I'm frustrated right along with him that I'm not a very good interpreter sometimes.

I'm praying that this is just a phase. Or that I'll learn to read him better. Or that I'll figure out ways to help him process his frustration without him trying to hurt people. Deep down I'm scared that this will become his personality. That the mean streak will overtake the giggles.

But then I remember that he's two. And I remember my other kids throwing some pretty spectacular fits when they were two! So I pray for patience. And quick reflexes!

Ohio Christmas

2012-01-06T13:55:00.002-05:00

One of my favorite Christmas parties this year was a one-day trip to Ohio to see Matt's extended Beery family! Haven't seen a lot of them for years.

The kids are pro-travelers now after all our trips to Kansas. A four hour drive seemed like nothing!

Cousin time!

One of my favorite parts of the celebration was singing hymns together. Reminded me of celebrating Christmas as a kid with the extended Busenitz family. After the singing, a large amount of hand bells were passed out, and the whole group, grown ups and kids, made music together! Reese and Jackson were totally into this! (It was very loud!)

The whole event tuckered out the babies!

Isn't Selah so cute??!! Almost makes me want another baby. Almost!

Mommy Workout

2012-01-02T06:28:00.002-05:00

I've been up since 3AM. Because Chase has been up since 3AM.

He finally is back to sleep, and I should climb back into bed myself. Except I'm sadly rather wide awake now. And the older two kids will be up in less than an hour.

So I am left to contemplate the finer things of life in the quiet of the morning...things like new year's resolutions. I have only made one resolution - to work out every morning. It's not a typical work out. It's a heart work out.

This article I wrote for our MOPS group describes it best:

P90X. Ever heard of it? It’s a workout program designed to give you abs of steel, fabulous arms and a body ready to conquer Mount Everest. I know. Sounds amazing! I started doing P90X with my husband. Let me describe it for you - torture!

As I struggle to do push-ups and shake my head at the pull-ups, I ask myself, “Why am I choosing pain?” Athletes work out so they can run faster, jump higher and throw the ball harder than their opponents. Me? Forget about beating the competition. I just want a little more energy and a little less flab! So, I (sporadically!) choose pain to reach my ultimate goal.

I think we all know that a little exercise is good for us! But watch the P90X DVD or observe the training of professional athletes, and you’ll see people who are fanatical about working out. Sometimes I wonder what we would look like as moms if we put that same passion and discipline into our workout routines. Not into physical exercise but into training our hearts for godliness.

Reminds me of these verses:

“…train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”
(1 Tim. 4:7b-8)

I rarely think of working out or training when I consider my relationship with God. It is, after all, a relationship. And I picture a relationship in the golden glow of sweet emotions, spontaneity and fun. Training conjures up a picture of hard work and pain. The first picture is prettier…but unrealistic.

A day into marriage, a week into mommyhood, a year into a deep friendship…you discover that relationships are more than emotions and that the golden glow does not blaze without the fuel of work, perseverance and sacrifice. Same for my relationship with Christ.

Training my heart to reflect my Savior is a daily pursuit requiring discipline and determination. It takes time.

We are moms. Time is in short supply. We usually wake up tired and go to bed exhausted. It’s easy to excuse our lack of time given to God. We even tell each other that it’s ok. We don’t possibly have time to talk to God or study his Word every day. But imagine if knowing God were our passion! If we acknowledged each other’s busy schedules but refused to sacrifice the inexpressible value of knowing God for laundry and cleaning, facebook or me-time.

Imagine what we would be like as moms if we worked out every day!

If we trained our hearts to be godly.

If we nourished our souls on the truths of our faith.

If we spurred each other on to know Christ instead of accepting excuses.

Imagine the examples we would be to our children in our speech, our actions, our love, our faith and our purity! Even better…we don’t have to imagine! God promises that our diligence in training is rewarded with progress that is evident to all. Our hearts and our lives will reflect God because we don’t just know about him. We know him – and that is worth more than any treasure we could imagine!

They Make Me Laugh

2011-12-31T06:29:00.002-05:00

Reese has discovered that Jackson will play Prince and Princess with her if she calls him a superhero instead of a prince!
_______
Reese likes to help me bake but she doesn't like the sound of the mixer, so whenever I turn on the mixer, she puts her hands over her ears. One time she looked at the mixer, looked at the eggs on the counter and said, "I wish I were an egg. Then I wouldn't have to plug my ears." (Yes, my dear, what an easy life we would have if we were all eggs!)

Jackson finally wiggled out one of his loose teeth this week. He's been walking around with them sticking out at odd angles for weeks, but he was convinced they weren't loose enough to come out. I finally bribed him with a trip to Cold Stone (since we had a gift card!). Once one of the teeth was out and we arrived at Cold Stone, he had the hard choice of choosing his flavor of ice cream. Except I found out that it's not a hard choice at all if you're a Michigan State fan. You of course choose green because that's your favorite school's color. Never mind if it's not your favorite flavor. You've been loyal and that's all that matters!
________

Chase doesn't say anything funny, so here are pics instead!

His you-wouldn't-tell-me-no-would-you look!

Braces

2011-12-27T06:00:00.001-05:00

Chase received an extra Christmas present last week - little braces for his feet!

His ankles turn in a little when he walks, so his physiatrist prescribed braces. Amazingly, he doesn't seem to mind them, other than when the orthotist is present. I think I already see improvement in his balance and walking speed! He walks ALL the time now...butt scooting is no longer his favorite form of movement!

When he wears jeans, you can't even tell he has on braces. For now jeans, socks and shoes are perfect winter attire, so no special clothing changes are needed Summertime, however, may be a different story. But then again, maybe the problem will be corrected by the time bare feet and shorts are back in fashion.

An added blessing - we didn't have to buy new shoes to fit over the braces. His current pair, a hand-me-down from Jackson, works great!

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T06:00:00.001-05:00

"To give to His people the knowledge of salvation
By the forgiveness of their sins,
Because of the tender mercy of our God,
With which the Sunrise from on high will visit us,
TO SHINE UPON THOSE WHO SIT IN DARKNESS AND THE SHADOW OF DEATH,
To guide our feet into the way of peace.”

Luke 1:77-79

Eve

2011-12-24T06:00:00.032-05:00

It's Christmas Eve.

Tomorrow we will celebrate. And eat food...lots of it!

Families will embrace time together.

We will open presents. And someone will inevitably wish he had sister's gift.

Today it's Christmas Eve. A time to anticipate the celebration of Christ's arrival as a baby. But I can't think of this night without thinking of the night before Jesus died.

The eve of Christ's birth was so different from the eve of his death, yet they were both integral elements of God's story on earth.

On the eve of Christ's birth, angels waited to herald the announcement of his arrival. On the eve of his death, the betrayer waited to deliver his traitorous kiss.

On that first Christmas eve, shepherds watched their sheep, not knowing they would soon kneel before their infant king. Homage to the king was coming.

Several decades later, on another evening, disciples watched their kneeling master wash their feet, not believing they would soon forsake him in fear. Desertion of the king was approaching.

On the eve of Jesus' birth, kingly gifts were en route to Bethlehem. On the eve of his death, a crown of thorns and a purple robe, gifts of mockery, were on the route to Golgotha.

One night anticipated birth. The other night sentenced death. One brought worship. The other betrayal. One seemed victorious. The other proclaimed failure. Yet the two eves are part of one story, a story of victorious redemption in death! A story of death bringing new life.

I delight in my deliverer's arrival on earth. I rejoice in his resurrection. But is my life consumed by - is it conformed to - his crucifixion?

I'm ready to celebrate! But am I just as willing to daily embrace his death in my life?

Celebrations are good. Remembering is good. But Christmas has become a commercialized holiday. It's much more about glitter and gifts and grand extravagance than it is about remembering the infant king who came to die to save the world.

Oh, we will celebrate! We will open gifts and eat lots of food. We will love time with family and stay up late. But, because Jesus is my Savior, celebrating his birth cannot be the climax of the party. True faith leads me to embrace his sufferings and be like him in his death, while rejoicing in the power of his resurrection.

Will I seek to crucify myself and take up my Savior's servitude on this Christmas Eve? In the midst of a celebration that tends to belong to Christ in name only, will I live in cruciformity, conforming my life to the image of the crucified Christ? Will I sacrifice and serve and love in humility?

Will I? Will my children? Will our family? I pray so. With all my heart.

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,

did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;

rather, he made himself nothing

by taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—

even death on a cross!"

Phil 2:5-8

"I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death."
Phil 3:10

*Cruciformity is not my own term! I borrowed it from the book Cruciformity: Paul's Narrative Spirituality of the Cross.

Family Christmas

2011-12-23T10:38:00.001-05:00

We celebrated our family Christmas on Wednesday. Early, yes, but Jenna was leaving the next day to go home for Christmas vacation, so, since she's part of our family, we had to celebrate before she left! The kids were definitely enthusiastic about an early Christmas!

I can't believe Jackson could read us the Christmas story this year! Reese thought it took him a little too long, but Jackson loved it!

I love how kids have to stop and play with their new toys right away, even if there are more gifts under the tree!

Thanks to Jenna and the grandparents, the kids will be well supplied with toys this year! They got clothes from Matt and me! I bet you can guess which gifts they liked better!

Ornaments from Grandma in Kansas! She loved Bronnners, the world's largest Christmas store, when she came to visit!

Leavin' It Behind

2011-12-18T07:12:00.000-05:00

Last Thursday was momentous! Chase returned both of his walkers to his therapist that morning!

For 11 months he scooted around in his pony walker. It helped him do what he wanted to do but couldn't with his own legs - walk! And now...he needs the walkers no longer!

One last look! Goodbye, old friends!

It's been fun. Couldn't have walked without ya this year! But now I'm movin' on!

Several emotions fly through my mind every time I look at these pictures.

Joy...joy that my boy is walking on his own. Joy to see him slowly "chase" Jackson. Joy to turn around and see him standing!

Sadness...sadness for families who do not get to return walkers and assistive devices to their therapists.

Our journey with Chase has given me a glimpse into the world of families who have children with special needs. It's one thing to know the world exists. It's another thing to walk through the door into that world, even if it's just a step or two inside, and experience a bit of what some parents face every minute of every day.

On another note, I can't look at the last picture above without thinking of these verses:

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Phil. 3:12-14

There is a lot I need to leave behind so I can press on toward my goal of knowing Christ in his power, in his sufferings and even in his death.

I have the hope of glory.

But I pray that every day every part of me will strain toward what is ahead. That I will not be satisfied with studying my Savior from afar. But that I will fling myself at his feet, regardless of what I lose in plunging myself into his presence.

Seeing is Believing

2011-12-16T08:41:00.002-05:00

(written for our MOPS newsletter)

This time of year commercials are overflowing with pictures of adorable, bright-eyed children creeping down stairs or peering around corners. The children are bathed in the softest of lights, and Christmas music serenades them as they attempt to catch a glimpse of Santa by their tree.

I remember a day from my childhood when I, too, peered around a corner, but I wasn’t spying on a jolly, round man sporting a beard and red clothes. Nope. This man was tall and thin, sporting a stained farm hat, mustache and faded work jeans. I was spying on my dad.

Well, I can’t remember if I was actually spying, but I was definitely eavesdropping! Dad was on the phone with the company to which he had sold a load of hogs. And as I listened in, I heard him give away all the money he had just earned! He told the livestock company to write the check, not to him, but to the mission agency of a missionary we supported.

I was in shock! As a kid, I had no idea how much a load of hogs was worth, but I knew it was a lot more than a hundred dollars. And in my mind we weren’t rich. Lots of our clothes were hand-me-downs or thrift store purchases. We usually only got one small gift for birthdays and maybe two for Christmas. It wasn’t like our family was overflowing with a money surplus. Why would my dad give away thousands of dollars?

Deep down I knew why. My dad was giving to where his treasure already was…with God. His treasure wasn’t a new car, a nicer house, an elaborate Christmas, designer clothes, hobbies or giving his kids lots of toys. My parents’ treasure was their relationship with God, which affected everything from dad’s daily prayer time on the tractor to their money.

I can’t say I’ve given very often to the point of true sacrifice, be that time, money or service. I’m ashamed of that because it is my sacrifices that will show my children what I truly treasure. My parents taught my brothers and me a lot of knowledge about God, but it wasn’t just talk. As a kid, seeing was believing.

Need another example for giving? Look no farther than Jesus entering this sin-crusted world to save rebels. I love the beauty of Christmas, the celebration of the Messiah’s arrival as a baby, the marvel of his first night on earth – the shepherds, the manger, the angels, the amazing joy.

But don’t forget to look to the end. To the last night. To the night when “Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world…Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.”

Loved to the end. To death. To death on a cross so he could give us life. God loved us with the ultimate sacrifice, yet required NOTHING in return.

So what will I give so my children can see my treasure? For them, seeing is believing. Will they believe I treasure God’s gift more than anything?

“…Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world,

he loved them to the end.” John 13:1

Ornaments

2011-12-12T06:00:00.004-05:00

Last weekend I faced one of my least favorite tasks...making crafts! I know! How can I be a mom and hate crafts?! I don't know! I just do! I'm not artistic. My visions of a perfect, hand-made something usually wilt as the project progresses. Maybe it's my lack of patience. Whatever it is...my crafts rarely turn out lovely, so why make them?

However, Jackson had the assignment to make an ornament for show-and-tell. Like it or not, crafts were on the agenda!

And now, looking back, I can see why people think crafting is so great to do with kids! We made "dough," cut out ornaments, baked and painted them. And in the process we had fun! It was actually quite bonding! I still would much rather spend hours reading to my kids as opposed to crafts, but...I suppose branching out is good!

Yes, Jackson should have a shirt on. It is, after all, winter! But he doesn't. Oops! In his defense, he took it off to wash dishes for me. He doesn't like to get it wet!

Jenna's ornaments showed the most skill!

Guest Blogging

2011-12-09T13:31:00.000-05:00

I am guest blogging today on my friend Laura's blog: Pruning Princesses

Be sure to check out her blog! I highly recommend it, especially if you have daughters. Laura shares wonderful insights, biblical wisdom, resources and laughter...all connected to the joy of raising daughters.

I confess that having a daughter scared me a bit. I grew up with five brothers. I know all about boys! Girls...well, I have a lot to learn! Very thankful for Laura's writing talents and willingness to create this awesome resource! Check it out!!

Chase Update

2011-12-07T12:37:00.001-05:00

New Skills:

As I mentioned in my last post, Chase is walking!! He gets braver and braver every day!

He is also clapping his hands to sign for more!! He's COMMUNICATING, not to mention that the hand clapping is so stinking adorable!

Chase's favorite spot in the house...listening to music! Maybe he'll have his daddy's musical skills! If he's crabby, I put him down in this spot, turn on one of Steve Green's CDs for kids, and all is quiet except for the music!

Busy:

Chase's appointments tend to go in spurts, and this week is one of those weeks where I feel empathy for parents of kids with special needs, especially those who have medical problems. Chase doesn't even have a medical condition, like cerebral palsy, and we still go to lots of appointments! I'm busy with him every morning this week except for Monday. Going, going, going! Of course he doesn't like any of it, not that I blame him.

This morning he had a follow-up ultrasound to one done in the summer. Glad that test doesn't take very long because he squirmed and kicked and cried the entire time. I was exhausted by the end from holding him down. Reese went with me, and she was the sweetest big sister, trying to sing to him and telling him what a good job he was doing and that it would be over soon! Maybe she'll be a nurse someday!

And He's Walking

2011-12-03T21:29:00.001-05:00

Drum roll please! We have three walking kids in the house! Chase has been taking steps for a while, and after months of inching his way around, I'd classify him as a walker!

He's still a bit tentative. He still prefers butt scooting. But I'm finding him on his feet more and more, and at times he'll choose walking over butt scooting without me bribing him! He's getting braver, too, at walking greater distances before finding the safety of the floor. Can I hear a big cheer for Chase??!!

What? You don't think I can walk? Let me show you!

Here I go!! I'm walking!

Are you still watching? Because this is impressive, and you don't want to miss it!

Almost there! Coming in for a landing!

Yep, that's right! I just walked! I'm one big two-year-old!

First Snow Day

2011-11-30T13:01:00.002-05:00

It's official!! We've had our first snow day of the winter (or almost winter)!

(Reese's adorable hat was made by her Aunt Krista in Kansas. Reese desperately wanted one like Edith in "Despicable Me." Aunt Krista has the amazing skills to grant her wish!)

Actually Reese was a bit dubious about snow days being allowed in the fall, but I showed her the school-closed list on the computer, and she believed me.

I love snow days! We stayed in our jammies until 9!!

Had a special breakfast (eggs and sausage as opposed to cold cereal)!

Played in the snow - well, Jackson and Reese did. Chase was recovering from a nighttime visit with the stomach bug. Blah!

Cuddled up with big brownie (our favorite blanket) and read a chapter book.

Drank hot chocolate!

Sorted through all the winter clothes...I have a huge pile of snow pants, gloves, coats, etc., to get rid of! It's amazing how it accumulates without notice in the garage closet! Guess I don't go out there much! I'm a little sad Chase has such a big head. We've received the cutest assortment of hand-me-downs hats for the little guy, but alas, they won't fit on his head. So away they go.

And now it's nap time! The coats, hats, gloves, snow pants and boots are clumped by the register, drying out so the kids can play again later. I have work to do! But first I'm going to find big brownie and spend some time in the gospels. I'm doing G90X (reading through the Gospels in 90 days) with my youth group girls. Maybe I'll even dig in the kids' stash of hot chocolate mixes!

This is a good day!

Trip to Kansas

2011-11-28T21:07:00.000-05:00

I was home in Kansas last week with my little family to see our one big Busenitz family! There were lots of kids - 15 to be exact, most of them Jackson's age and younger! You're probably not surprised to hear that lots of noise accompanied the lots of kids!

So good to be home again! And so good to go to the Thanksgiving service at the church where I grew up. Open mic for the entire service. Thankful hearts sharing. Favorite hymns sung. This was always my favorite service growing up! I was glad to be back!!!

Cuddle time with Aunt Sarah!

Bonnie Kate - this is my daddy!

Chase made new friends with his younger cousins!

Huge highlight was bonfire in the woods. What could be more fun than traipsing through the woods!?

Knocking down trees for firewood! Good thing these boys are pure brute strength!

Loved the weather...maybe a little dreary but nice enough to shed the coats!

We decided to make the drive all in one day since sleeping with Chase in a hotel room is torture anyways! The kids were amazing! Of course it helps that a friend lent us dvd players and lots of movies new to the kids! The 17 or so hours went by remarkably fast!

The only downside to the trip was a rapidly spreading stomach bug that claimed many victims! Jackson and I got sick the last day we were there, but fortunately Reese waited until we got home. Not a fan of puking in the van! Yes, this happened last year for Christmas. Yes, we wash our hands! Yes, I hope it never happens again!

Thankful for the blessing of family! And for my mom who opens her home to all of us and feeds us, even though we kind of descend like a band of wild banchees!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T06:00:00.004-05:00

God is a Refuge for Us

2011-11-18T23:10:00.000-05:00

October was a hard month. Hard as in crying in the shower where no one can hear. Hard as in lifting demanding prayers. Hard as in pleading for what is more than likely impossible, but pleading anyways. Unless you live in this house and are married to me, you probably had no idea that I was crying in the shower. Instead, I blogged in October about weddings and visits from grandma and Matt's return from Africa. Happy things!

Don't get me wrong. October was a happy month full of good things. Good things I enjoyed. But the hard things were there, too.

It was in October that Chase's therapists started talking about cognitive impairment. His neurologist used the term "mental impairment." I heard, "Chase will communicate, but I can't guarantee he'll talk." Suddenly my world went from having a baby with developmental delays to having a boy who was described as mentally impaired.

Later in the month we sat in a little office, listening to the geneticist describe Chase's "dysmorphic features" for the grad student sitting in with us. Dysmorphic. Mental impairment. October brought a new vocabulary. Not one I wanted.

Developmental delays sound temporary, like a runner dozing at the starting line, but give him time and he'll catch the pack.

Mentally impaired sounds permanent. To be honest, it's not a description I ever expected of one of my kids.

And dysmorphic just sounds awful. My defensive mechanism kicks in, and while I know the doctor is examining Chase head to toe in search of clues leading to a diagnosis, I want to interrupt and declare how cute he is, how sweet he is, how he's the most adorable two-year-old ever. (Not to mention that most of us probably have some type of dysmorphic feature since we're not models and don't have the magic of makeup artists and photoshop in every day life!)

Of course, there's a chance the specialists are wrong. Chase is not impaired. He's just delayed. He'll catch up. He is, after all, making lots of progress.

Still, immediately my mind follows the trail of, " What does this mean for Chase?" If he is mentally impaired, what will his progress look like? Will he be a year behind in school? Or more? Will Jackson ever get his wish of sitting with his little brother on the bus, or will Chase go to a special school? Will he talk? Will he walk normal? Will he say, "I love you"? Will he ever run to me?

Lots of questions. No answers. I love Chase...everything about him. I wouldn't trade him for a world full of "mentally normal," non-dysmorphic kids. My crying in the shower had nothing to do with how God created him. It had everything to do with all the questions. And wanting answers. And knowing that answers might never come.

Now, a month later, I feel silly for crying. The intense desire for answers has faded, and I'm back in the routine of therapy and rejoicing in progress (however big or small) and kissing sweet cheeks!

You might be wondering why I'm writing this a month later. Mostly I write because I want to remember the good and the bad...the different emotions that I faced on this journey. I was tempted many times in October to blog these feelings. But I'm learning to wait before spilling my emotions to the reading world! Writing is my coping mechanism; it's how I sort through thoughts, questions and emotions. So when I face a crisis, my immediate desire is to write, to figure out life through my fingers.

But sometimes I need to wait. Before plopping my crisis on the computer screen, I need to leave it in silence before my Rock. A friend challenged me to memorize Psalm 62 this summer. I didn't know then how much I would cling to these verses in the fall.

"My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be shaken. Trust in him at all times, O people. Pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us." Psalm 62:5-6, 8

And as I heard a new vocabulary last month, in my silence I heard other words, too.

That my hope was not in a diagnosis, but in Chase's Creator.

That God only is my rock.

That I can trust my Savior at ALL times.

So I poured out my heart before him, asking for answers, but finding instead a refuge in the midst of the questions. If I had to choose, I'd rather have true refuge than answers!

Highlights

2011-11-16T13:34:00.000-05:00

Last week was a good week!

Reese eagerly anticipated her date with daddy!

The date ended with a raking party in the front yard. She thought it was great!

Jackson's highlight was going with Matt to watch a senior from church, Matt Costello, sign his National Letter of Intent to play basketball for Michigan State. Jackson's teacher is a huge State fan, and Jackson is now a full-fledged follower, so he was thrilled to be able to tell his teacher that he knows a future Spartan basketball player!

Plus, Mrs. Costello, who likes to spoil Jackson whenever he goes to her sons' games, provided the little man with lots of candy!

They Make Me Laugh

2011-11-13T22:25:00.000-05:00

Jackson: Sitting by a lot of girls makes me feel uncomfortable.

Reese: I like William. He's my boyfriend!
Mommy: You're too little for a boyfriend now. But when you get one, make sure he loves God and loves you.
Reese: William does...and he's so cute!

Reese: I wanna be a mama so I can eat breakfast at MOPS! (yes, we moms have our perks!)

Mommy: You kids better not ever grow up!
Reese: I have to! I have to get a baby!

Jackson: I know what we should get Jenna for Christmas! A bag of m&ms, chocolate chips and oatmeal so that she can make monster cookies for us whenever we want! (what a sacrificial gift!)

Christmas Came Early

2011-11-10T22:05:00.001-05:00

Christmas came early this year. At least for Matt! To be precise, it arrived last Friday!

The day went something like this:

Reese, Chase and I played in the basement for awhile before lunch. As we headed downstairs, I noticed a pickup truck pulling a covered trailer driving very slowly past our house. I assumed it was someone who was lost or not familiar with our street. Didn't give it a second thought.

Later, after the kids were down for naps, I received a text from Matt.

Matt's text: [A friend] dropped off something at our house. Check under one of the plants on the front porch.

I thought this was a bit strange since I had been home most of the day and hadn't heard anyone drive up. But I went outside to check. And that's when, as I stepped out of the front door, I saw it.

A motorcycle. A very nice motorcycle. Parked up against the garage. A helmet was sitting next to it. And under the flower pot were keys.

I assumed that Matt knew a friend was going to let him borrow his bike and that he had texted so mysteriously because he wanted to see what my reaction would be. Still, a friend leaving a bike for him to ride seemed a bit odd since Matt doesn't have his license to drive a motorcycle. So I texted him back.

Amber's text: What is that doing here?! :)

Matt's text: What is it?

That's when I started to get nervous that maybe this was more than someone just letting him borrow a bike.

Amber's text: Keys and a motorcycle!

Matt's text: What?!

I realized he knew nothing about it.

Amber's text: Uh yes!

Matt's text: Oh my!

Amber's text: Why is that here?

Matt's text: Don't know. Is there a note?

I decided it was time to go out for a closer look! No note, but I could see that it was a brand new, very shiny, gorgeous motorcycle!

I am still in shock! Matt's friend bought Matt a brand new motorcycle! We've never owned a new vehicle! I've never wanted him to own a bike, but it's kind of hard not to be excited about this one! I am so humbled every time I look at it.

A motorcycle is not something we need. Obviously. Matt's wanted one, but it has never made it into our budget, or even a realistic wish list. Still God used a friend to bless us speechless with something we never dreamed of owning. Definitely makes our thanksgiving list! And a great reminder of the joy generosity brings! Now to pass it on - generosity, that is, not the motorcycle!

Spoon Feeding

2011-11-07T21:47:00.000-05:00

"You see, mom, I'm not really into learning how to spoon feed myself. I think you do a great job. And what would you do during meal time if you weren't feeding me? You'd get bored. So really I'd rather not learn this skill. I'll just keep smearing food and using the spoon for my drum stick, and I think you'll get the hint."

~love Chase

Ready for Treats

2011-11-03T06:00:00.003-04:00

Here are my sweeties all dressed up and ready for hand-outs from friends and neighbors!

Jackson was a cowboy again this year. I did not discourage this desire (I didn't have to buy anything!)! He is trying for the tough cowboy look. I think he's just too cute to pull it off!

Anyone want to guess what Reese dressed up as this year? Yes, you got it...a princess! She's ready to steal some boy's heart...and she already has him picked out!

Chase was supposed to be a farmer. Only he doesn't like things on his head. So the hat was a problem!

Maybe a true farmer's hat straight from the farm in Kansas will do the trick?? Nope. Not havin' it!

Tough cowboy and mischievous princess! Don't you just want to throw candy at them! So much cuteness!

In the end, Chase was a hot dog like last year because his coat covered up the overalls and he didn't like the hat, so you couldn't really tell what he was. He got many laughs and comments over the hot dog costume. Here he is wearing it last year. (And, yes, it is really made for a dog. But it worked for him. Any little guy this cute can pull off anything!)

Those Other Days

2011-11-01T15:50:00.003-04:00

Last week I wrote about my love for perfect days. And the reality of tragic days.

But most of the time, my days are neither perfect nor tragic. They are just normal.

Routine.

Scheduled.

Possibly a bit mundane. Most of the time, that's my life. Sometimes, if I take a moment out of the routine, I realize that in the midst of all that normalness, I lose my purpose.

Perfect days cause joy to bubble naturally. Painful days push me to the One who suffered death for me. But normal days...well, on those days I easily find myself caught in a less-than-joyful attitude. Or ignoring the One who called me to joy in ALL circumstances. Or trudging through tasks, counting the hours until the kids' naps appear on the schedule.

Kids are perfect on perfect days. But on normal days, there are tantrums with the giggles, tangles in the curls and tears after practical jokes. On perfect days I am a perfect wife. But on normal days, the food is ok, the house is somewhat clean, and I think of myself first. Annoyance, hugs, impatience, laughter, complaining and work all blend together into a murky normal on those "other" days.

I created this print to give as wall art to a couple of mommies-to-be at their baby showers.

My suggestion was to hang it over the changing table or in the laundry room.

Because every new mom needs the reminder that she serves Christ when she prays for her child AND when she changes yet another diaper.

She serves Christ when she trains her child in godly principles AND when she mops the floor.

Or when she washes clothes that will be back in the hamper tomorrow.

Or when she is up alone at night serving a baby who will never remember her sacrifice.

And, although I suppose six years of mothering removes me from the new-mommy status, I'm pretty sure I could use this as wall art in my house, too. To remind me to work hard. To think of others before myself. To sacrifice when I don't want to. To cheerfully clean the bathroom. To truly listen, love and laugh, not just on perfect days, but on those other days, too!

Because, while my days may vary from perfect to normal to even tragic, my Master remains the same. In all I do, it is the Lord Christ whom I serve.

Collision

2011-10-28T12:55:00.008-04:00

I had a perfect day this week! Jackson and Reese played together for hours like they were best friends! Chase was full of giggles and sweetness. Matt came home and cleaned the bathrooms in between work and leaving for a meeting. I felt spoiled and very loved and very in love with my family!

I love perfect days! Perfection is admittedly in short supply, so I embrace that elusive friend whenever it appears! I was reminded yesterday that you never know what a day will hold, what treasures will find you - or what tragedies. You never know when perfection and pain will intersect, when an innocuous minute is the fading barrier between the collision of smiles and sorrow.

Matt's dad was in an accident yesterday that totaled his car. As he drove 60 mph, a pickup truck going the opposite direction suddenly turned left right in front of him. He hit the truck head-on at 60mph. No time to apply the brakes.

Sixty miles per hour.

Nearly head-on collision.

Car verses truck.

I'm not an engineer, but that sounds like a terrifyingly bad combination. Amazingly, by God's grace, his only injury was a little cut on his pinkie finger. Yesterday could have been a day of tears and fear. Instead, Matt and I drove that evening through a glow of heavy, golden light. I've never seen such a beautiful fall sunset, not even in Kansas. Instead of sorrow, we soaked up beauty from a sinking sun.

By God's grace, our family was spared a day of sorrow that would have stretched for years.

Yet, I know that yesterday, somewhere, there were families who were not spared sorrow. Families who cried instead of breathing a sigh of relief. Families who could not see the beauty of a sunset for the blur of tears that hid all but their life colliding with pain. Airbags did not deploy. Tragedy was not averted. Nightmares invaded reality. And I know that someday my family will collide with pain again. Because we live in a place where, at the beginning of time, perfection collided with sin, and the resulting fall has produced a broken world that only God can redeem and restore.

And he will. Someday. But not yesterday. Not in that second before someone's life collided with sin's devastation in this life. Yet God's grace is here. I am absolutely convinced of that truth.

Were it not for his grace, I would exist as a sinner destined for death unending. My sin would sink me to searing pain like I've never known. My soul would bear a stain so deep, so profane, that I could never hope to remove its damning mark. I would stand before the Holy God guilty, filthy and forever unworthy of love.

His grace is here. On this earth, though it groans for restoration. His grace is seen in perfect days, in the minute before life changes, even in the collision of life and death.

The same Deliverer of Israel is our Deliverer. Our God of Grace.

"When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;"

Isa43:2-3

Chase Update

2011-10-24T06:34:00.004-04:00

Hard to believe that a month has already passed since Chase's two-year birthday!

Very thankful that his seizure-like episode turned out NOT to be a seizure!

Scooting through the leaves was so fun for him this year! (I think he liked the crunching noise!) Next year he'll be running through them and throwing them everywhere! Look out, Jackson and Reese!

Improving Skills:

Chase can pull himself up using just about anything, including the slippery couch!
He can cruise around anything and anyone!
If I steady him, he can walk about four feet to me all by himself!
If he intends to sit down while walking, he has a very controlled sit (it's the unintended falls where he forgets to use his arms and hands to break his falls)
I have seen him clap his hands twice!

Therapy:
Sometimes I feel sorry for the little guy...he never gets to just enjoy his new skills! Once he learns one, it's on to the next skill!

His therapists are working on getting him to communicate in any way, shape or form, verbal or non-verbal, on teaching him to stack toys, on convincing him crawling is a fun idea, and of course on getting him to walk!
In addition to his regular therapy, Chase started going to a special play group once a week for kids like him. He loves it! Therapists are there interacting with the kids, so it's an extra dose of therapy and fun.

His laughing spells continue.

He has developed the cutest little stinker face! Say "no-no" and he will narrow his eyes and pull out the glare! Everyone gets the biggest kick out of it because it's like a light switch - so easily turned on and off!

Sometimes the lip gets really pouty! (Believe it or not, he's looking at Jenna in this picture, but it's not her fault! I told her to make him give the look because I so wanted a picture of it!)

And then, give him one more second, and the clouds roll away and the sunshine reemerges!

I love to hug and kiss this boy!

Sandifer's

2011-10-21T09:25:00.001-04:00

It was 11:00 in the morning.

I was feeding Chase a snack. Suddenly his legs stiffened, back arched, neck titled and his eyes rolled back for several seconds. What in the world! The episode lasted less than a minute and then he fell asleep, two hours before his normal nap time.

Yikes! I called the doctor's office. Of course the nurse said to come in with Chase, and right away the doctor suspected a seizure. She ordered an EEG for the next week and an appointment with Chase's neurologist. I had to work hard to hold back the tears when we walked into the hospital with Chase for his EEG. I'm tired of tests, of making him cry, of the tests that make him cry producing no answers.

Chase did not like the EEG. Big surprise! Especially while they were putting sticky paste all over his head. He does not like strangers in his space, and he does not like things on his head. Two strikes against the test! But, once he was all hooked up, I have to say he did pretty good at sitting still for a two-year-old.

Long story short...the EEG came back normal!! And while the doctor said that kids with developmental delays like Chase are more susceptible to seizures, it looks like seizures are not an issue for now!

So what was up with the eyes-rolling, body-stiffening episode? My question exactly! The neurologist suspects Sandifer's Syndrome, which is a scary way of saying that Chase has extreme reactions to acid reflux. Sandifer's Syndrome is often misdiagnosed as a seizure. It all makes sense now. He projectile vomited as a baby. Struggled with acid reflux. Had torticollis. And looking back, I know I've seen him do the same stiffening, arching motions before, just never with the eyes rolling.

So one more unique thing about my boy!

Celebration

2011-10-17T06:34:00.000-04:00

I have to say that last week was a week for dancing and celebrating!

I can't begin to tell you how wonderful it is to have Matt home from Africa! The kids couldn't soak up enough of him (and neither could I!). Of course they loved watching him pull presents out of his suitcase after they had been lurking outside our bedroom door early last Monday, hoping they would hear the signal that daddy was awake! He brought the boys matching shirts and a dress for Reese.

Plus, last week we celebrated the arrival of the newest Beery...Selah Annalynn...born to Nate and Jessie! She is adorable!! The kids are excited for another cousin, and Reese is making plans to let Selah borrow her princess dresses!

No Pain, No Gain

2011-10-13T03:47:00.002-04:00

Chase is on the verge of walking!

If I stand him up and get him steady on his feet, then back up, he can walk five or six steps to me!! Such a big boy!

Of course he is discovering the truth of "No Pain, No Gain!" Walking can be a bit hazardous to one's health when he forgets to use his hands to break his fall.

His poor eye...I wasn't fast enough to catch him when he fell and smashed his face into the couch. Wouldn't have left a mark at all probably except for those glasses. They can be rather unforgiving when pushed into one's face.

However, I'm sure in the end he will say it was all worth it!

A Happy Week!

2011-10-11T15:06:00.000-04:00

After 15 days and 14 1/2 hours, Matt returned home on Sunday night from the Ivory Coast! I missed him! Understatement! He had very limited access to communication, so on top of this being the longest he's been gone, it was very stretching not to be able to hear from him every day. Very happy he's home! But so glad he went!

I shouldn't complain too much, though, because my mom has been here from Kansas for the past week helping out with the kids and keeping me company! Now that she has thoroughly spoiled us, she is off to see more grandkids in Alabama!

Highlights for the kids were:

multiple trips to McDonald's
Jackson scoring a goal in front of grandma
Reese getting a lunch date with grandma - at Sam's Club (it's Reese's favorite place to get a hot dog!)
playing at the park with grandma
going to three different pumpkin patches/apple orchards
grandma willingly playing Candy Land for HOURS!
exploring the world's biggest Christmas store - Bronners (really this was probably more of a highlight for grandma than the kids)

Highlight for me: spending DAYS with my mom!

A Mommy Photo Session

2011-10-06T06:00:00.001-04:00

Just for kicks, I thought I'd show you the entertaining process from last week of getting a self-portrait with me, Reese and Chase. I needed a picture of myself with the two youngest for our MOPS photo directory, and since Matt wasn't around, I had to resort to the self-timer. Very entertaining! Reese thought it was hilarious!

Oops! Chase scooted away. I caught him, but I was a little too slow!

We're all here. But we need mommy's face. Try again!

Much better. But little brother isn't looking!

Ahhhh....perfection (or as close as I'm going to get)! Mommy likes! And yes, I know that Reese's hair is a bit on the wild side. Ok, a lot on the wild side! But she's so stinkin' cute!

Wedding Bliss

2011-10-03T23:30:00.000-04:00

I spent a few short days in Kansas over the weekend! Absolute perfection! It was just me - I missed Matt and the kids like crazy, but it was so relaxing to enjoy the peace and quiet of my mom's home. I got to see family, go out for coffee with my mom and spend time with God while watching a Kansas sunrise!! Made me miss my dad. Oh, and, minor detail, I was there to shoot my cousin's wedding, so other than a restful Thursday evening and Friday morning, the weekend was all WEDDING!

My beautiful cousin married the man of her dreams!

My cousin's dad and my dad were twins. They now share the perfection of heaven. So thankful for cousins who were also like my sisters! Sharing this day with her was exactly what my heart wanted! Would NOT trade this weekend for anything!

Last of the Photo Shoots

2011-09-29T06:00:00.014-04:00

As I previously wrote, I am officially done with my photography business for now. But I had a few shoots that were in the works before I put away the business cards, so I've dabbled in photography here and there over the past month. Thought I'd share a few of my favorites! I have one more wedding and then the sessions are officially over!

Soccer Mom

2011-09-26T06:00:00.021-04:00

I am officially a soccer mom.

I am aware that some negative connotations exist with such an association, but I believe the label applies nonetheless.

My oldest son plays soccer in the township league.

I drive him to practices and games.

I drive him to those practices and games in a minivan (although thanks to Matt's love for me and love for clean cars, my van is probably the cleanest soccer-mom vehicle around!).

I watch herds of kids chase the ball every Saturday morning.

So I think that officially makes me a soccer mom. I'm fine with the label. My boy plays soccer. I'm his mom.

I love watching him play. I love meeting his friends' parents. I love cheering when he scored his first goal (it was a beauty!). It's a humorous atmosphere...each kid's parents coaxing him or her to play harder while the kids are either ALL chasing the ball or staring off into the wild blue yonder!

Playing soccer has already been a good teaching experience. Originally Jackson's practices were scheduled for Wednesday nights, but our family is involved in Bible studies on Wednesday nights.

Definite schedule conflict.

So we explained our family's priorities to Jackson and that he wouldn't be able to attend practices. (Actually, I thought that sticking to our priorities would prohibit him from even playing in games since he wouldn't be at practice, but because this is a little kids' recreational league, the coach kindly switched practices to another night.)

Jackson was fine with no practice and maybe no games. He really wanted to be at practice, but he said that learning about God was more important.

I read in a book once that the goal in training up our kids is to impart God's wisdom.

That our kids will learn to make wise choices.

With less and less "legislating" by mom and dad as they get older and more and more of their own heart's desire to please God.

So that's what we are trying to teach Jackson now. Praying that his heart will love God so much that when he is a teenager, the habit of spending time with other believers is a value he will cling to and wisely choose.

Sometimes I feel really vulnerable putting parenting thoughts out here because our kids are still little. We haven't gone through middle school or the teen years. College is light years away (or so I tell myself!). We have no finished "products" to showcase. We are two imperfect parents raising three imperfect kids in one very imperfect world.

Raising kids is hard. It's scary. But I have hope.

Love this reminder from Greg Lucas. He says, "I can have hope in the midst of hopelessness because I have a promise in the midst of the impossible. And if death itself should kill my hope, then I can have faith in a God who raises the dead. And if by some human reasoning, the solution to my circumstances is “impossible,” I can have faith in the God who can call into existence things that do not even exist."

Birthday in Pictures

2011-09-24T03:14:00.002-04:00

If you're curious about what Chase thought of his birthday, here's a sneak peak to fill you in!

Tearing into the presents - the kids thought it took him FOREVER to open presents, but he got the job done!

Holding a new toy from Grandma in Kansas and wearing new jeans, a present from mommy and daddy. I know, new jeans are kinda boring, but he keeps wearing holes in the butt from all his butt scooting. So we spent more money to buy them from Sears so we can exchange them for free whenever he wears a hole in them. That's where all his birthday money went. (Hey, it's better than spending it on diapers, which I was also tempted to do!)

This popper from Grandpa and Grandma Beery was a big hit! We heard lots of "popping" the rest of the night!

Chase thought the candles and everyone singing happy birthday was the best thing ever. He might not have known it was his birthday, but he sure enjoyed all the attention!

Here's a close up of the cake. Supposed to be a cake with a road or racetrack in the shape of a number two. Still have some work to do on my decorating skills. It's a good thing Jenna is around to help!

Ended the night with a bath and a new toy from Jenna! What a happy day!

(And if you're wondering why I'm posting this at 3AM, it's because he's got one of his laughing spells going! Guess turning two didn't end those!)

Happy Birthday

2011-09-23T07:17:00.003-04:00

Happy Birthday, Chase!

You are two today!

So thankful that two years ago today we welcomed you into our family!!

You have the cutest grins! The most adorable belly laugh. And the longest eyelashes that sweep my heart off its feet.

Your big blue eyes are always searching for your mommy, but daddy and Aunt Jenna are favorites in your book, too!

You love to look at books. Music makes you VERY happy. You're learning how to use your pointer finger to push buttons on your toys.

Lately you've been kinda picky with food, but you still love oatmeal, crackers and bananas. You can feed yourself finger foods, but mommy still has to feed you the rest!

You love Reese and Jackson. They make you laugh so hard! You're not walking and talking yet, but you're very good at getting where you want to go with butt scooting and at expressing your likes and dislikes through laughter and hand flapping or crying and hand-by-ear.

We love you, Chase! I'm going to go smooch your very smoochable cheeks right now!

Changes

2011-09-20T06:00:00.009-04:00

Chase started up therapy again this past week. He's a busy guy:

Occupational Therapy on Mondays to work on fine motor skills and self-care;

Speech Therapy on Wednesdays (probably his favorite session b/c at this stage of development, speech therapy is mostly playtime with lots of exaggerated words thrown in!);

and Physical Therapy on Thursdays to work on gross motor skills - like walking!

Two of Chase's therapists hadn't seen him since the beginning of summer, so it was fun to hear them praise the changes in his development! I know he's changed a lot, but seeing the changes bit by bit each day isn't as dramatic as waiting several months to compare his skills!

Let's be honest. While I proudly tell you about his new achievements, I get discouraged that he's not walking or talking. We had a deal (ok, I had big plans) that he would walk and say "mama" by his 2nd birthday. Well, his birthday is on Friday, and while he's getting closer to walking, I'm pretty sure he's not going to keep his end of the deal.

So I focus on that deadline and feel a bit let down. But then his therapists point out his progress, and I'm reminded that it's all about perspective. Looking at the little steps instead of the milestones!

We also made big changes in sleeping arrangements last week. Jackson and Chase were sharing a room, but Chase's laughing spells are more frequent and started keeping Jackson awake at night, which doesn't work well with his school schedule. So we tried putting Jackson in Reese's room and Reese with Chase. But Reese is an even lighter sleeper than Jackson, and she ended up sleeping on the floor in our room whenever the laughter would start, like at midnight or 3 in the morning.

So we have now moved Chase back into his own room, and Reese and Jackson are sharing a room with a noise machine. This is definitely a time when I wish for four bedrooms, but we'll make it work (and be thankful we have 3 bedrooms and hand-me-down bunk beds!). Hopefully Chase will outgrow his nighttime laughter soon!

Look What I Can Do!

2011-09-15T06:08:00.011-04:00

Chase is becoming a pro at cruising along furniture! He still struggles with pulling to stand if he doesn't have a good ledge to hold onto, but once he's up, he's a mover!

He also has figured out how to play peek-a-boo! Before if I put a blanket over his head, he would pull it off and laugh like crazy. But now he has figured out how to put the blanket over his head himself and then pull it off. He finds this incredibly amusing!

Photo Shoot

2011-09-13T14:07:00.001-04:00

Jackson brought home school picture info last week. Just like last year, being a penny-pinching mom, I'm not planning to order any pictures since my computer is overflowing with my own pictures of my little man.

But, because I know I will feel guilty for not ordering once Jackson comes home with an envelope full of cuteness, I dragged him outside for five minutes and gave him a mini photo shoot! He melts my heart!

This one may be one of my all time favorites of him!

So silly!

Last Days of Summer

2011-09-12T18:24:00.002-04:00

Summer is nearly over. Actually it feels like we've already crossed the finish line now that we're back on school schedule. (I'm happy to report that Jackson is LOVING school!)

Here are final pics from summer vacation...some of the things we loved!

In spite of my misgiving and visions of broken arms, the trampoline provided LOTS of entertainment!

The trampoline even provides the perfect spot for camping!

Chase hanging out at the church picnic.
Hmmm...which girl should I flirt with next?

Now we're moving on to fall stuff...like watching youth group guys' football games.

While I winter is still not welcome, I must admit that I'm looking forward to carving pumpkins and basking in fall colors. Love autumn!

Sleepover for Reese

2011-09-09T08:23:00.000-04:00

Reese had her first ever sleepover with a friend last week. I can only imagine that there are many more to come!

Reese's friend's mommy had a baby a bit earlier than planned, so the sleepover was rather impromptu, but of course the girls didn't care! It was so cute to hear little whispers and giggles coming from Reese's room! Remarkably they slept all night, after I convinced them that they should stop telling each other their most scary dreams!

We had tea parties and jumped on the trampoline and played dress up! Fun times!

Sigh! Sweetness!

First Grade

2011-09-06T16:31:00.004-04:00

We heard new sounds this morning around here. Sounds that we haven't heard for months!

Alarm clocks!

Rumble of buses.

Excited squeals of delight! (from Reese, of course!)

Chatter from neighbor kids waiting for the bus.

And so it begins...another year of school.

Hard to believe Jackson is in 1st grade! Last year I was so uptight about everything - this year I was labeling his lunchbox on the way out the door! When I dropped him off at school, he looked so nervous again and didn't want me to leave. He got lots of extra prayers this morning!

His verdict at the end of the day was that first grade might just be as fun as kindergarten!

Reese CANNOT wait until it is her turn to venture into the great unknown via the big yellow bus!

With the neighbors!

When I asked Reese what she will do at school next year, she said, "I will ride the bus all day!" Hmmmm!

Excited to be home!

Family

2011-09-02T13:47:00.001-04:00

Family. I love our little family and spending time together. Last week we took a day trip to Grand Rapids. Matt was meeting with his professor, so the kids and I visited my former coworkers and our former apartment where we lived after we were married - back when we were a family of two. I told Jackson that he had lived there, too, for a month. After a very long pause, he said, "Were we poor then?" Well, yes, son, as a matter of fact, we were, but I didn't think the apartments looked that bad!

After Grand Rapids we meandered over to the area around Nevins Lake Church, the church where we worked while Matt was in seminary. We didn't have time to visit all our friends there, but we had time to see one special couple!

Ruth and Everett! We are not related to them, but they are family because we share the bond of Christ. They have loved on us, spoiled us, prayed for us and read Scripture with us every time we have visited. Ruth taught school for years. She still deeply loves children! We love them! They are our mentors in generosity and Bible memory.

And then last Sunday I was reminded again of the family we share in the bond of Christ. Eleven individuals were baptized at our church, and while I was not related to any of them, I found myself tearing up to see them publicly declare their love and allegiance to our Savior! And two of them were girls I spent a lot of time with the past few years in the youth group! I was so proud of them!

I miss seeing my Busenitz family. A lot. But I am so glad God created the church to be family - His family. He did not design us to follow Him in isolation. We are family!

The CRIM

2011-08-29T14:10:00.000-04:00

Matt ran the CRIM, a 10 mile race, in Flint this weekend, along with nearly 10,000 other racers! The kids were pretty sure he was going to win, although Reese thought Matt's friend Austin might be the best.

Kara, Jenna and I worked on entertainment for the kids.

Chase was not very impressed with anything about the CRIM.

Between keeping the kids happy and trying to see around the fans of 10,000 racers, we barely saw the guys finish, and I missed getting their pictures at the finish line, but their medals are proof that they made it to the end!

We made lots of bathroom breaks! This is how we finished out our morning at the race!

And then the van's alternator died, so we were stranded on the freeway in Flint. Fortunately Kara had driven separately, and she rearranged her schedule so she could rescue us! Fun times!

Putting Away the Business Cards

2011-08-24T00:00:00.008-04:00

You might have noticed this blog's sidebar looks a little different these days. No links to my photography blog or business web site. Yep, they're gone, but if you still managed to browse on over to my photography sites, you would have found this message:

This is the end of a season for me. Beginning in August 2011 I will no longer be booking photo shoots, except for those gift cards floating around out there! I have loved getting to know so many of you, my dear clients! This has been a hard decision for me, but for now I'm taking a step back from my photography business in order to spend more time with my family and my youth group girls. Thank you for each and every smile you have given me!

So the business cards are stashed away...at least for now. When asked why, my answer sounds so cliche, even to me. "I want to spend time with family." But now that I'm on this end of things, I know why that reason is overused. It's true.

I am a perfectionist in some respects. My perfectionism wouldn't let my business be a side job. I wanted to work - work extremely hard, full-time - until my business was excellent. And for me, it was impossible to run a business at the level I wanted while also giving my heart to being a wife, a mom and a youth group leader. I know lots of moms who excel in this, but at this stage of life, I couldn't.

I didn't like my impatience as I wished nap time would hurry up and arrive so I could edit pictures. Or trying to shush the kids so I could professionally answer a client's phone call.

I could use other reasons, too, for ending the business. Reasons mostly related to Chase and his appointments and therapy. But the foremost reason for putting away the business cards had to do with my relationship with Christ. While I said I wanted to spend time with my Savior, editing pictures trumped soaking my soul in His words, and "urgent" emails were never neglected, even if talking to my Father was. That's the not-so-pretty truth of it.

Have you heard these words before: "The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of gold or silver"? These words are found in Psalm 119:72. I want them to be found in my heart, too. If you had asked me several months ago if these words were true of my passions, I would have said, "Absolutely. I treasure God more than anything." But my actions would've said something else.

I tell my youth group girls all the time that there is no substitute for spending time with God if we truly want to know Him. For them that means giving up facebook minutes. Or TV time. Or sports hours - all for the indescribable treasure of knowing, I mean KNOWING, the Sovereign Creator of the Universe. For me, rather than giving up thousands of pieces of gold or silver (I wasn't that successful as a photographer!), it meant giving up my business.

I really shouldn't say giving up. Sounds so sacrificial. And it actually hasn't been. I think Matt, being the sweet husband that he is, worried about how I would feel in giving up something that I love so much. But I honestly feel free. Free to sit at my Savior's feet. And relish being a mom. And delight in serving Matt. And rejoice in making meals for the family (ok, still working on rejoicing in that one!). And I am beyond excited for our youth group girls' Bible study to start in a couple of weeks!

I have learned so much about God's grace and kindness...that obedience to Him is not drudgery or duty but delight. Yes, painful at times. Yes, sacrificial at times. But the King of kings has the power to grow delight out of pain and sacrifice.

So that's the long version of why Amber Beery Photography no longer exists. In case you wanted to know!

And I'm obviously not putting the camera away. I have three of the cutest models ever running and scooting around my house!

Chase Update

2011-08-23T06:00:00.017-04:00

Chase is 23 Months Old Today!

Improving Skills: Chase is getting much better at pulling to stand, especially if he has a ledge to hold onto. He still can't pull himself up to the couch (too slippery), but he's really good at using the rail in his crib and the ledge of the Thomas the Train table at the library. He is also pretty fast at cruising along the couch once I get him standing there.

Communication: Not much change here. Lots of babbling and laughing, flirting and teasing but no words or pointing.

Progress: I'm learning how to sleep through his laughing spells!

Hates: He still hates being on his stomach or using his arms to push up. Thus, trying to teach him to crawl is a very tearful experience!

Therapists: He has a couple of weeks break before the therapists start coming again. He had his last session with the summer physical therapist last week, and he gave her the extreme I-don't-like-you treatment again, so I'm thinking she wasn't too sad to see that summer session come to a close! Hopefully he'll fondly remember his regular occupational, physical and speech therapists in a few weeks.

He so wants to do everything the big kids do!

I love Reese's protective hand!

Chase has the best daddy!

They Make Me Laugh

2011-08-22T08:41:00.002-04:00

Reese with one of her youth group friends!

Mommy: I should call my mom today.

Reese: You don't need a mom 'cause you are a mommy.

Reese: (after Chase threw a fit while we were thanking God for supper) I don't think Chase believes in God.

Jackson: Will there be poisonous snakes after God beats Satan?

Mommy: Nope. We can't get hurt by poisonous snakes after God beats Satan. (thinking this would reassure him)
Jackson: (disappointed) Oh man. Then I hope I see one before I go to heaven.

After Jackson finished describing his scary dream, Reese said: I had a scary dream, too. We went to McDonald's and they were all out of cheeseburgers and fries and pop! (now that's scary!)

Thankful Saturday

2011-08-20T07:52:00.000-04:00

VBS would never happen if it weren't for our amazing group of volunteers. And one of my favorite parts about VBS is that we get to spend hours every day with other members of our church family. There is nothing better than serving Christ together!

So I'm thankful for the volunteers who:

coordinated VBS.
watched our babies in the nursery.
taught the classes.
helped in the classes.
counted the offering.
made snacks.
coordinated crafts.
helped with crafts.
coordinated games.
helped with games.
provided puppet entertainment.
ran sound.
acted out skits.
registered kids.
cleaned up the church every day after the kids took their sticky hands and dirty shoes home!
filled prize bags.
took attendance.
decorated the church.
listened to verses.
ordered t-shirts.
provided prizes.
shopped for supplies.
recruited volunteers.
provided decorations.
cleaned up after snack time.
cleaned up after crafts.
prepped in the evenings for the next day's activities and lessons.
kept track of kids' points.
printed information and invitations.
made slide show of the week's events.
sorted crafts.
provided transportation.
ran around with the kids.
got the kids excited for singing.
cheerfully took a pie in the face.
SHOWED GOD'S LOVE EVERY DAY and
PRAYED!

I LOVE our church family! So thankful for a week spent serving with them, whether in person or through prayer!

(Disclaimer: the list above is not exhaustive!)

VBS Week

2011-08-17T13:51:00.000-04:00

It's VBS week over here at our church! So that means every morning we see lots of cute little faces. Hear VERY energetic singing! Listen to fits of giggles! Watch enthusiastic games! Admire special crafts! And soak up the fun of kids being taught God's Word in a not so formal setting!

Update for You

2011-08-15T06:00:00.010-04:00

Remember our little friend Kaleb who was diagnosed with leukemia? I know some of you are faithfully praying for him and his mommy and daddy. So, in case you don't check his facebook page regularly, I wanted to tell you that he is doing GREAT!

He is full of smiles these days, and the doctors say he is responding perfectly to the chemo! Great news, right??!! In early September he begins a very tough stage of treatment, so please keep praying for them.

I love this picture of Reese with Kaleb - it's totally unprompted and unscripted. She loves her little buddy, and I think he really likes her, in spite of her mothering tendencies!

And if you'd like to help out with medical and traveling expenses, CLICK HERE to donate at a special paypal account set up just for Kaleb and his family. Even $5 or $10 can add up to help relieve the stress of bills and pulling up to the gas pump as they drive 200 miles each time Kaleb receives treatment. Thank you!!

(I did not make the piggy bank!)

Simple Delights

2011-08-10T15:04:00.000-04:00

I love that kids are so easily entertained! Find a couple of toads and we are good to go for an entire evening! And I love how my kids make me pause and look at God's creation...really look. How unique is this little creature! Not cute by any means but very fascinating. Jackson kept turning his toad over and over trying to figure out if it was a boy or a girl!

I love little boy hands in the summer...lots of dirt means lots of fun! (Just trying to make myself not feel guilty that his fingernails are so dirty!)

And then we have Reese's toad. Once again sweet princess takes on a not-so-princess creature! Don't you think the painted fingernails and toad go quite well together!?

The kids eventually decided that this was a mother/daughter pair and took it upon themselves to make sure the toads showed affection to each other.

And we had one dejected little princess when she discovered that her little friend would not be an indoor pet!

MOPS Convention

2011-08-08T14:48:00.003-04:00

I'm back after a fabulous MOPS convention in Nashville! I went with two dear friends, and saying that we had fun is an understatement! We laughed. We giggled. We cried. We talked nonstop to and from Nashville (that's a lot of talking!).

Coming up with a succinct blog post about what we learned and experienced is nearly impossible. Worshipping God with 2400 other daughters of Christ was soul lifting. Made me think about the joy that will explode from the streets of gold when our perfection is complete and we join the throng of believers before the Throne!!!

Our speakers included Max Lucado, Lisa Harper, Lauren Dungy and Mary Beth Chapman. And musicians included Sarah Groves, Travis Cotrell, Steven Curtis Chapman and Mandisa. I know all three of us found our passion renewed for knowing Christ, for being moms and for serving Him in our MOPS group at Immanuel. As one of my friends said, we came home "refreshed, moved, changed, inspired, encouraged and loved."

Funny how we were so excited for our time away from the kids and how, a few days later, we were very anxious to return to our munchkins! We ended up driving a lot farther than we had planned on Saturday night so we would have most of Sunday with our families. So late at night/early in the morning we ended up at a small town with lots of hotels, only to find them all full. Hotel clerks gave us various reasons ranging from Lollapalooza in Chicago to a Brad Paisley concert. Whatever the reason, it's amazing how being tired made the whole situation incredibly funny. Our laughter got more and more hysterical as one of us would emerge from hotel after hotel, shaking her head. No room at the inn! But we eventually got a couple hours of sleep (all three of us crammed on a king size bed) and made it home!

Picture I took of Reese right before I left for convention so I would have her sweet face on my little camera.

Jackson spent the week with Uncle Nate and Aunt Jessie and a day with Aunt Kara. He had so much fun! I'm pretty sure he didn't even miss me even though he assures me he did!! There are no words to describe having the best family ever.

And now all the kids are back in my care after being sugared up and spoiled for a week! Returning to normal schedules and eating habits could be interesting!!

He's the Best

2011-08-03T06:00:00.003-04:00

I am out of state for the rest of the week! Going to Nashville! With some friends! For a MOPS convention!

So Matt is here alone with the kids! He's wonderful! I always feel guilty leaving him and the munchkins, but he has assured me he can handle it! Reese is so excited that daddy is going to babysit! (And lest you feel too sorry for him, Jenna will be pitching in lots!)

Actually Matt will only have two of the kids since Jackson is spending the week with Uncle Nate and Aunt Jessie! (He will be spoiled rotten! I think his itinerary involves soccer camp at Nevins Lake Church, swimming, hunting and fishing! Can't get much better than that for my little boy!)

Matt is so sweet to let me have a few days away. He is the best - best husband, best daddy, best friend! I love him!

Thankful Monday

2011-08-01T13:22:00.001-04:00

Today I am thankful for...

...anonymous packages left at church for the munchkins!

...for summer, green grass and warm weather!

...for fun neighbor friends who spend lots of hours playing with us and who absolutely adore Chase!

...for county fairs and days spent with family!

...for thunderstorms!

Wrestling with an Angel

2011-07-29T15:05:00.001-04:00

I just finished reading this book: Wrestling with an Angel by Greg Lucas.

Actually I finished it a couple of weeks ago. A friend gave it to us when we were up at Camp Barakel, and I devoured it. Now Matt and I are reading it together, a chapter at a time in the evenings.

It is a short, 100-page book. But it is powerful. I wanted to recommend it to you right after I finished it, but I'm at a loss for words to describe it.

On the back of the book, one reader recommends it by saying, "You will laugh. You will cry. You will feel sick, you will feel inspired. You will be repulsed by the ugliness of sin; you will be overwhelmed by the love of God. Greg Lucas takes us on an unforgettable ride as he extracts the most beautiful insights into grace from the most painful experiences in life."

Read it!

Laughing Spells

2011-07-27T15:05:00.002-04:00

Sleep. It's a beautiful thing!

For a year and a half I didn't get much of it. I craved it. I longed for it. And now I have it! I am happy to report that Chase sleeps through the night. Mostly.

He just has one little sleeping quirk - laughing spells. About once a week he wakes up in the middle of the night, starts laughing like crazy, kicks around in his bed, giggles...and continues on in this manner for three hours!

At first I tried all sorts of tricks to put him back to sleep - offering the paci, giving him a drink, helping him snuggle up with his blankets. Nothing works. I am resigned to the fact that I must let him laugh it out. I used to let Jackson and Reese cry it out. They would cry. Hard. But sleep would conquer in a matter of minutes. I have discovered that it takes much longer to wear oneself out from laughing!

So now instead of trying to lure him back to sleep, I leave him to his giggles and focus on sleep for the rest of the household. Fortunately Jackson and Reese sleep right through the party. Jenna learned early on when she moved in with us to use a dehumidifier for white noise when sleeping. So that leaves Matt and me. We can't sleep through it. So when Chase starts laughing, I turn on the noise machine for Matt, shut our door, and I "sleep" on the couch so I can hear what's happening. (It's a mom thing. I have to be able to hear if a munchkin needs me!)

This plan works pretty well unless we have overnight guests. Then Chase and I party in the van in the garage until he gets sleepy. Of course I've only had to flee to the garage in the summer. If we have guests in the winter, I might have to buy noise machines for every room rather than freezing in the van! Hopefully by then he'll have outgrown the laughing spells.

One more item to add to my Surprising-Things-Kids-Do list! And one more way God refines my character - a reality I cling to as I listen to three hours of giggles. Sleepless nights are not a wasted commodity!

Thankful Monday

2011-07-25T14:10:00.006-04:00

Today I am thankful for...

...family bike rides and rail trails. (Matt and I both felt a little sorry for Jackson because we let him set the pace, which means he peddled furiously on his little bike while Matt and I mostly coasted. The other two munchkins lounged in the bike trailer with snacks and books, so Jackson was the only one working hard!)

...a kind friend who randomly showed up at my door with fresh blueberries last week!

...a friend who put the best blueberry cobbler recipe in the church cookbook! (Now if only I could get Matt a little more excited about desserts that don't involve chocolate! I "had" to eat entirely too much of that cobbler by myself!)

...Matt's arm is healing perfectly according to the doctor!

...spending time with one of my youth group girls who just got back from a missions trip - so incredibly exciting to hear how God worked in her life!

...friends with pools who let us come over LOTS

...having a few youth group kids join us to go watch Cars 2. The day was made even better by getting ice cream afterwards! I love it when our kids get to hang out with the youth group kids. Jackson is now begging to see the movie again!

...friends who give us hand-me-downs! Several months ago Reese received a large amount of girls' clothes! I had been contemplating how to provide her with dresses for the summer because she LOVES dresses. I hadn't even prayed about her lack-of-dresses dilemma because she doesn't technically need dresses, and I'm more of a jeans and t-shirt gal, but she loves being a princess and was thrilled when a friend provided her with a whole "new" wardrobe! Thankful God knows our requests before we even ask.

Chase Update

2011-07-23T06:00:00.017-04:00

Chase is 22 Months Old Today!

I'm so glad I started writing these Chase updates way back when. Because sometimes I get discouraged. I start thinking about the fact that Chase is almost two and is not walking or talking, or even pointing for that matter. And for me those missing milestones are kinda discouraging because Jackson asks all the time when Chase will run with him. And I want to hear him say "mommy." And the whole lack of communication is getting kind of frustrating. But then I look back over these updates, which remind me in black and white that he has made progress every month! He's moving along at his own sweet pace!

New Skills: Chase is finally showing an interest in pulling to stand. His therapists and I have patterned him through this a lot, but he's never taken the initiative. Now he occasionally tries to pull up, and he can actually do it in his crib! He also kind of cruises along the couch with a very watchful hand behind him!

Improving Skills: Chase is getting fairly proficient at transitioning from laying down to sitting up. He is also incredibly fast at butt scooting. He is wearing holes in all of his shorts. Jackson always wears holes in the knees of his pants, while Chase's holes are all on his bottom!

Communication: This is the most frustrating for me lately. He seems to be entering the terrible twos and throwing some pretty spectacular fits. My other kids did this, too, but usually with them I at least knew what they were mad about. With Chase I can try to guess, but since he doesn't talk, point or use sign language, it's a lot of guessing, and apparently I'm not very good at guessing.

Therapists: I'm very thankful for Chase's therapists, but lately he has not shared my sentiments. He has a new physical therapist for the summer, and the first day she walked in, he took one look and started screaming. He was starting to act the same way with his occupational therapist too. Happily, this past week things were a bit improved, so hopefully that was just a little stage he was going through.

And there is still nothing more contagious than Chase's laugh. When he's laughing, the whole house is filled with laughter as the kids fall all over themselves trying to win an extra giggle from their favorite little brother!

They Make Me Laugh

2011-07-21T10:26:00.002-04:00

Reese: Mom, did you wear a helmet when you rode bike when you were a kid?
Jackson (interrupting): No, I don't think so. That was a long time ago before lots of things were made, like not even cars.
They think I'm so old!!

Reese: When I weigh 16 pounds, I will be bigger than my mom.
That kinda makes up for the old statement above!

Jackson: Our yard...looks a mess.
Reese: Ya, look at all that grass sticking up.
Jackson (with a look that says "I can't believe you said that"): It's supposed to stick up. It's grass.

Mommy: (watching Jackson about ready to tip Reese off her raft in the pool): Jackson, don't do that.
Jackson: (surprised) How did you know I was going to tip her?
Mommy: Mommies know everything!
Jackson: No, only God knows everything!

Someone is getting into trouble!

That Phone Call

2011-07-19T13:41:00.002-04:00

It's never good to get the phone call that starts with, "Don't get mad but can you google what to do for a bad burn?" Ya, that's not good!

Matt and Jackson were working by themselves on his sister's yard last Thursday when I received that call. My stomach dropped (felt like I was forced on the Dragster at Cedar Point!), and I immediately wanted to know who was hurt - Matt or Jackson. Turns out that it was Matt. The burns were a result of burning a brush pile and using accelerant, and I'll let him give you the details! (He has promised never to use accelerant again!)

I hid the worst part of the burn in this picture because it grosses me out!

That phone call scared me! I could hear a ton of pain in Matt's voice, and I was worried he was going to pass out while it was just him and Jackson there. I was about an hour away. Kind of helpless. Except to google urgent care facilities near Alma. Long story short he got medical treatment and is on the mend.

When Matt got home that night, I wanted to hug him forever and never let him go. In the whole scheme of things, it was a fairly minor accident, but it reminded me of how transient life is. That things can change in an instant. That there is no life-time guarantee of happily ever after. That while I make plans, I do not know the future. I feel like this is a lesson God keeps adding to my curriculum again and again.

And again and again I come away from this lesson knowing one thing: God is good.

I don't say that because Matt escaped major harm this time. I say it because it's true regardless of circumstances and their outcomes. When I fear life in this groaning world, my lifeline is my unchanging God.

"On God my salvation and my glory rest;

The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God."

Psalm 62:7

Camp Conclusion

2011-07-14T06:00:00.010-04:00

Indulge me with one final post about Barakel! I have a few last memories to catalog!

When packing for an adventure that includes kids, you are probably aware of the fact that you pack just about the entire house. And I have to say that I was very glad for all that I included in the bags - the sunscreen, bug spray, band aids, books, snacks. But I am most thankful that I took the jogging stroller to Barakel!

Chase, refusing to follow his siblings' example, found little to like about Barakel. Thus the stroller was my arm and back saver. He wanted to be held the entire time if he wasn't in the stroller. I guess I can't blame him. Butt scooting does not work well with pine needles, rocky paths and dirt.

So the picture above was him most of the time - staring at me with glazed eyes that seemed so say, "I can't believe you're putting me through this," until he fell asleep.

And while the stroller was my back saver, the lake was my sanity saver. There Chase would observe the water, slowly inch forward and finally take the plunge (or the scoot) into the shallow depths where his smiles magically appeared!

(Imagine music from Jaws playing here.)

The other time we could see Chase grin was in the evenings at the daily Ambushes. He would butt scoot around the grassy soccer fields and flirt with the girl campers as they played wild and crazy games. He knows when to turn on the charm!

And now I have saved the best for last of our favorite things about Barakel. We loved the people there!

As the speaker's family, we peeked behind the scenes, and while I knew the staff works hard, I was blown away by their service with a smile in spite of their loooong days - days which require lots of energy and enthusiasm.

This is Papa Dave. He's the cook on the East side of camp. Reese called him her favorite guy! Jackson asked if we had given him a list of his favorite foods, because all of his favorites were on the menu at one meal time or another. Papa Dave was just one of the many members of the Barakel staff who served us with a smile and excellence!

Now don't you want to visit Barakel, too? You can, you know! Check out their website for a list of upcoming retreats! And if you don't live around here, well, I suppose I shouldn't rub it in!

Things We Loved at Barakel

2011-07-13T07:39:00.000-04:00

There are lots of things to love about Camp Barakel! Coming from the kids' perspective, here are a few of them!

We loved the rifle range. Ok, I admit, this one surprised me! I figured we'd pay the range a visit and then get on with camp exploration. But Jackson and Reese both spent hours shooting BB guns!

Wow! This gun is heavier than it looks!

Good thing she's got her daddy around to help!

By the end of the week, she was aiming all by herself and ended up with a couple bullseyes. Probably more luck than skill, but I could be wrong!

And this little man earned himself a Pro-Marksman medal. He was quite thrilled!

Of course we loved the lake! It provided a lovely location for snack breaks...

...gorgeous scenery

...obviously swimming :)

...and it was about the only place in camp where Chase was happy. There were some days I wished we could stay out there all day just to keep a smile on his face.

And we liked doing exactly what the big kids did!

Stay tuned for more favorite things about Barakel in our next post!

Camp Barakel

2011-07-12T03:01:00.001-04:00

Last week was a week I never expected to experience! The kids had anticipated this trip for weeks, but I felt like I should pinch myself to make sure it all was real when we arrived at Camp Barakel late Tuesday afternoon.

We've been at Barakel before. Youth group winter retreat. Men's Retreat. Ladies' Retreat. (Highly recommended!) But this time we were at Barakel...with our family...in the summer...and Matt was the SPEAKER!

We both have been richly fed spiritually by speakers at the various retreats we've attended, so we were deeply humbled by this amazing opportunity to bring God's Word to a group of junior highers in a place known for proclaiming God's truth. When I took this picture, I still had a hard time believing that we were there and that my husband was in the chapel right then as the speaker.

I was so proud of Matt! He worked so hard to create lessons twice a day that were firmly grounded in Scripture and captivating to junior highers. One of our favorite parts about this week was the reminder of our complete dependence upon God in ministry. No matter how hard we worked, without the right motives and the moving of the Holy Spirit, this week would have just been a bunch of empty words.

I keep saying "we" but it was really Matt who did the hard work. I mostly played with the kids and kept them happy! But I did get the extra blessing of speaking to the girls Thursday night at their chapel in the woods!

So to sum it up, last week was a fabulous week of serving God and being together as a family! More pictures to come of some of our favorite things about Camp Barakel!

Reptiles

2011-07-06T06:00:00.006-04:00

Warning: If you do not like snakes, you will not like some of the pictures in this post!

I just realized that there were several reptile connections while my friend Karen was visiting! For one thing, she finally got me moving to finish up these turtles in Reese's room. Matt traced them on her wall last summer, but we both were too chicken to try our artistic hand at painting them. So once Karen helped me pick out the paint, that was all the kick in the pants I needed to get the job done!

The other reptile connection was snakes!! Karen had barely walked in the door before the kids were begging to show her their new "pet." Seeing snakes was not on our itinerary, but they insisted!

Jackson said he had to catch the snake with gloves in case it was poisonous. As if gloves would protect his face or arms or anywhere else a poisonous snake felt the desire to bite!

This picture cracks me up! Reese is our princess, but she's a daredevil too and a scrapper! This picture is so her! Tough princess takes on snake!

Even Elizabeth was brave enough to hold the snake!

Not me. I didn't even like seeing its little tongue stick out. I did not touch it, and I tried to quickly move away from it without the kids noticing!

Secretariat and Applesauce

2011-07-03T19:09:00.004-04:00

Today I had one of those days. One of those days you dream about before having your first baby. Before you realize that being a parent is a whole lot more of poopy pants, sleepless nights, tired teethers and loads of laundry than you ever thought. And a whole lot less of triumphant, glorious days and happily-ever-after moments than you expected. I love serving Christ by serving my family. I love the fact that God’s love for me gives purpose to dishes and baths and solving tantrums. But when a day like today comes, there is no denying the secret thrill of having mined a treasure!

Chase has been sick since Thursday night. A lethargic, feverish boy, content to listlessly sit in my arms and whimper. But today he woke up from his nap with a smile replacing his fever. Matt took the older two kids to the church picnic this afternoon, and Chase and I stayed home. We plopped on the living room floor. We watched Secretariat. We ate applesauce out of the jar. And we reconnected without distraction, without sickness, without therapy.

He loved the thundering sound of horses’ hooves. He gave me unending grins, the ones that melt your heart and make you feel like there is no one more special in all his world than you. He chattered nonstop with happy, giggly syllables. And I babbled back. I squeezed him tight and he grabbed my face. We laughed and danced to Secretariat’s soundtrack. We pretended it was our own…because today seemed to be a day out of a movie, perfect happiness! Only better than a movie because it was real life!

Don’t worry! I have no illusion of movie moments lasting forever - or even for the next hour. But you can’t blame me for savoring one when it bursts on the scene! Thanking God for a treasure today found in applesauce, Secretariat and my little blue-eyed boy!

Friendship Treat

2011-06-30T13:51:00.001-04:00

We got a treat this week! Friends came to visit from another state for a few days! Karen was my roommate in college (so many great memories of dorm life with her!), and she brought along her two-year-old daughter, Elizabeth. If you know me and know how much I love ice cream, then you'll know the extent of my feelings when I say their visit was like a big dish of ice cream on a hot summer day!

We talked LOTS. We played games with Chase. (Took him a little while to warm up to them, but in the end he gave them his smile of approval!)

We went to parks. (Both girls felt obligated to give Chase lots of care!)

We played more games with Chase.

And we were super sad to say goodbye. (Except for Reese - she's still working on the whole sharing toys and attention thing).

Here is Reese's depiction of the last few days. She loves to use the camera!

Another Week Begins

2011-06-27T13:41:00.000-04:00

Another week begins. But I'm still thinking back to the ending of last week! It was such a good ending!

On Valentine's Day Matt surprised me with a gift card for a spa package, and Saturday I finally redeemed it! It was worth the wait! This was my first time to experience a sauna, a professional massage and pedicure/manicure! I liked the sauna - not sure I'd pay the money again though to sit for 30 minutes in a really hot wooden box...maybe in the winter! My favorite thing by far was the massage. My back gets so many knots in it from carrying Chase! I felt like a rag doll afterwards. The whole spa event was doubly fun because my SILs Kara and Jenna joined me!

And the cherry on top was spending lots of time with lots of great friends this weekend!

Now it's back to a full week. So far Chase has two appointments and two therapy sessions scheduled, so it's another busy appointment week. But it's all good because one of my dearest friends and roomie from college is coming to visit for several days!!! EXCITED!

Look at Me!

2011-06-23T22:31:00.002-04:00

I wasn't planning on blogging any more this week, but I just had to show pictures of Chase's new skill captured on camera tonight!

His therapists have been working with him for almost a year to get him to go from laying down to sitting up. He can do about 75% percent of the work, but he always needs a little help to get started. So I was super excited to find him sitting up in his crib one evening! I wasn't sure how he had ended up in that position, but I put Jackson under cover, and tonight my spy came with the report that he knew how Chase was sitting up! And then Chase gladly cooperated again and again to display his new skill. (He did not want to go to sleep after all the excitement! The whole family was in the boys' room cheering!)

So how does he do it? Once again my boy refuses to do things the easy way, but it works for him! He sticks his legs between the slats of the cribs, hooks his toes on the rail and does a sit-up until he can grab the rail and pull himself up the rest of the way. How's that for problem solving!?

Now we just need for him to figure out how to do it without the crib since that's kind of impossible to transport for day-to-day activities!

He's so proud of himself!

Chase Update

2011-06-23T06:00:00.004-04:00

Chase is 21 months old today!

The big news this month is that the genetic testing came back normal for the genes that were tested! And while this is good news, the happiness I feel over these results is tempered by the fact that the doctors still think he has a genetic disorder, but we just don't have a diagnosis. Still, good news is good news!

Another exciting event was the arrival of Chase's new glasses! His beautiful long eyelashes are no longer squished up against the lenses! Bigger is better!

Chase can now move this walker by himself, but we have to stay on our toes because his balance is still lacking and if he lets go, he makes no effort to save his cute little face from the floor. And he is now so fast at butt scooting that his therapist calls it butt running!

And I know that last month I said Chase's life was full of doctor visits, but I think this month was just as full. Happily, we had no appointments, not even therapy, for vacation week. I can't begin to tell you how free I felt! This is Chase's opinion of doctors! (I know a haircut would help keep him cool this summer, but I so love his curls!)

Oh, and one final note, he seemed to wave at Grandma this weekend. It was not a definite wave, but I'm willing to consider that maybe, just maybe, he's figuring out this common courtesy!

Family Vacation

2011-06-20T06:00:00.004-04:00

One super-duper fun week of family vacation has come to an end, and I'm sad to see it go. How awesome is that to have a vacation with three little kids for a whole week and not be dog tired by the end??!!

The trick was all in the planning and the location! We stayed home! Ok, so maybe that's not a real vacation, but the kids were immensely impressed with vacation week, so I think that counts as success!

Monday - enjoyed a long walk on the rail trail as a family; ate out at Applebees for lunch; went to the movies (mommy scored big with a coupon for free popcorn - Chase did not last through the movie!); supper at the park; ice cream at home!

Tuesday - definite highlight of the week: Michigan's Adventure! Jackson has grown a couple of inches recently, so he is now 48 inches tall - tall enough to ride almost all of the rides, even the ones that make my stomach drop! He was so proud of himself! (Matt is training him for Cedar Point!) Reese didn't mind too much that she couldn't ride everything Jackson could, and Chase hung out in the stroller and soaked up the zero entry pools! Minor drawback: At 11pm, Jackson unloaded his pizza from supper. He did that last year in the night after going to Cedar Point. We will remember that rides and pizza for this boy don't mix!

Wednesday - Our 9th wedding anniversary so Matt's parents kindly took the kids so we could spend the day together!!! Amazing! Kids were spoiled, and we had fun!

Thursday - We were supposed to go to the zoo in Grand Rapids since Matt had a class there, but we woke up not feeling the best and it was raining, so no zoo. Matt went by himself and we had a build-forts, eat-lunchables (huge treat) kind of day!

Friday - swimming at a local college's pool (Jackson has announced that he wants to go to this college because of the pool!); mini slumber parties in the evening - Chase went to bed; Matt and Jackson set up Jackson's tent in the living room; Reese and I bunkered down on my bed and we all watched favorite movies. Plus the kids each picked out a favorite snack for the evening - they couldn't believe that they got to stay up late and eat junk food!

Saturday - attended graduation open houses, which meant we were gone from 9:30 am to 5 pm. I'm not sure the kids thought this was a valid part of vacation, but they got to watch a movie in the evening with babysitters, so that made up for it! Matt and I went to a concert thanks to the generosity of a friend! There is nothing like music to refresh the soul!

Sunday - spent the day with Matt's family for Father's Day (lots of hot dogs, four wheeling, chatting and relaxing!) Perfect!

Now back to normal. I'm most interested to see how Jackson and Reese get along ALL summer! We may all have some character development by summer's end!

Remembering

2011-06-16T15:03:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary! Nine years ago I promised to give my life and my love to Matt forever until death! There is something sweetly comforting in the security of forever! Not that I'm surprised since God designed marriage that way!

So yesterday I woke up remembering the giddy feeling I had early in the morning on June 15th, 2002.

I remembered how I practiced writing my new last name and the whispered talk with mom.

I remembered my best friends and cousins surrounding me in the church nursery!

I remembered the solemnity of the vows, the overwhelming responsibility I felt as I promised to be Matt's wife.

And I remembered my dad. Most of you know that my dad passed away from a brain tumor seven years ago...on the morning of our second wedding anniversary. So this day brings mixed emotions. This time though, instead of fighting the memories and the sadness of losing him, I remembered all that he taught me about marriage.

My dad believed in the mushiness of marriage! I'm serious! My parents smooched all the time. We kids pretended to be disgusted by all the kissing, but secretly I thought it was so romantic! And I felt very secure as a kid knowing that dad really liked mom!

My dad believed in the simple, day-to-day maintenance of marriage. I can remember so many days when he popped in the door, wild flowers gripped in his dusty hands, giving a little, I-thought-of-you reminder to mom.

Most importantly, dad believed that marriage was God-designed. At our wedding, before he gave me away, I asked dad if he would open the ceremony in prayer. Looking back, I'm pretty sure I put him outside of his comfort zone with that request, but he didn't hesitate to agree.

He put a lot of thought into that prayer. In fact, he wrote it out. I remember him sitting with his pen and paper, writing and scratching words out and writing again.

While I often heard dad talk spontaneously to his Savior, I'm so thankful for the heart-felt words he reverently put down on a wrinkled, folded paper - one of my most treasured possessions.

Here is part of what he wrote:

Dear Heavenly Father,
You who created all things and called them good, you who created Adam and Eve and called them very good, today with all of our hearts, we praise you for how very good you have made us.

As you brought Eve to Adam, as you have put men and women together for centuries, today we ask that you will put Matt and Amber together.

We acknowledge a good marriage is not automatic. Please give them wisdom to build a marriage that will stand the test of time.

Give them faith in your Word, to obey your directives, to find the positions you have established for them, in this way experiencing the happiness you want them to have...

Improvising

2011-06-13T06:00:00.001-04:00

This was a crazy busy weekend with photographing two weddings for two lovely couples (see the photography blog for a few sneak peaks!).

And I was spoiled for my birthday last Wednesday (breakfast with a friend, flowers from youth group girls, and a date with Matt), so this past week was a great week!

I've been meaning to share these pictures for a while. They make me smile! Several weeks ago we made an unexpected visit to Matt's parents and ended up staying all day. So what would you do if your kids wanted to go swimming but had no swimming attire? You improvise, of course, if you have a creative sister-in-law named Jenna!

Reese's lovely suit is converted guy's trunks.

Jackson sported some baggy trunks (and yes, there was some squabbling involved!)

Chase made do with a shirt and a diaper.

And the rest of the family got their afternoon's entertainment watching the kids!

A Special First

2011-06-07T14:40:00.003-04:00

Today was another first for us. Chase had a play date. No, he's had play dates before, but this was his first "special needs" play date. I hesitated in taking him...just because I don't think of him with that label. Secretly I had wondered if other moms would resent us being there since he's not overly "needy." Turns out, he was probably one of the most developmentally delayed kids there.

So of course I have lots of thoughts and emotions on this "special needs" label, but for now I'll just say that God created each of our kids special, they each have areas of needs, and I'm super grateful for all three! And now I will give you some pictures from the day and save my thoughts for another time when I have them all sorted out!

As you can see, Chase was not incredibly impressed with this play date! We met at Murphy Farms, which I love, but I will admit that it was a really hot morning, and Chase does not like to be hot!

You can see from the position of Chase's hands (biting one and the other is by his ear) that he is double-displeased with this place. (Reese broke her glasses....really broke them. So she will be blind for a week until a new pair arrives!)

Reese loved everything about the farm!

I took my smaller camera, so I let Reese man the shutter button for a while. She took about 20 pictures of each item below, and then some! Sounded like the paparazzi had descended on the farm!

Garage Sale

2011-06-06T06:00:00.001-04:00

Friday afternoon we were anticipating a lay-low, not-much-going-on Saturday. By Friday evening we had the garage piled with toys and clothes and baby items in preparation for a garage sale. The first ever in our family's history!

The sale ended up being a conglomeration of our stuff, Jenna's stuff and donations from the neighbor boys who completely embraced the idea of running a garage sale! I can tell you right now that we must have done something wrong in running this sale because turnout was lousy and we had mediocre sales. But we got rid of the big items that were overtaking the basement, made a little money, and I had an excuse to sit outside in the sun and do nothing! Not bad for a Saturday! Our biggest money maker was the cookie stand! I would like to credit my superb cookie-baking skills with this, but the high sales were probably directly affected by the cute salesman!

Mom, stop taking my picture! I have cookies to sell!

Don't you love the sign he made!?

They Make Me Laugh

2011-06-01T22:57:00.001-04:00

Jackson came out of his room one morning last week and gave me this note (so nice he had extra cards and crayons in his room for such an occasion!). In case you can't read his writing, it says, "Mom, Reese was out of bed at 8:46." The other side of the note says, "And, mom, Reese was playing in my room." As he handed the note to me, he said, "I thought I'd write this for you instead of tattling. Aren't you glad I didn't tattle on Reese?"

Grandpa

2011-05-29T07:33:00.001-04:00

Last Monday the phone rang. At 6:40 AM. Caller ID identified Matt's mom on the line. It's never good to receive a phone call at an unexpected, early hour. And her words confirmed my sinking heart - her dad, Grandpa House, had passed away.

He was a man who loved Jesus. He was 93 years old. I'm pretty sure he had a longing to leave behind old age and see his Savior. And I'm very sure he would tell us today that it is "better by far" to be with Christ. Still we miss him. Especially sad for Grandma. They've been married for yeeeaaarrrs.

Saturday was his funeral service. The kids were remarkably well-behaved, meaning I got to sit through the entire service! I loved hearing stories about Grandpa! He was a farmer. A man of few words. A man of wisdom. There were a lot of things said about him that reminded me of my dad!

Grandpa and Grandma came to Kansas for our wedding. I remember how they had barely been at our home for five minutes before my dad was hustling them into a vehicle so he could drive Grandpa around and show him the fields and the farm. It's how farmers connect! After that, every time I saw Grandpa he would ask about the farm, and I would pretend to be a more knowledgeable farm girl than I really am! So thankful for the godly legacy Matt received from his grandpa. And I'm so thankful I had almost 9 years of him being my grandpa, too!

Christmas 2009

A Leisurely Stroll

2011-05-25T19:40:00.000-04:00

Warm weather. Green trees. A rail trail. All great reasons to take a walk as a family one beautiful Saturday morning. The kids chose their transportation of choice - a bike, a scooter and a pony walker - and off we went!

Chase quickly got left behind. He was a little distracted by his shadow and the scenery.

But he wanted to catch up with his big brother...

...so he occasionally had bursts of speed.

Eventually daddy had to supply some horsepower for two of the modes of transportation.

And in the end, one munchkin got a booboo and another one's energy petered out. So daddy got a workout!

We ended with ice cream at McDonald's. Really, you probably should know that the kids weren't all that into a leisurely family stroll. But the mention of ice cream did the trick for motivation. Poor Matt had to run back a mile to get the van...once the kids had their ice cream, there was no getting them back on the trail!

Skinned knees. Mosquito bites. Sweaty kids. Tired feet. That's a more realistic description of our leisurely stroll. But it's about what I expected. It was still fun - and quite tiring for some! Nothing like a little snooze after a long walk!

Chase Update

2011-05-23T06:00:00.055-04:00

Chase is 20 months old today! That seems really close to two years old!

This past month has been full of doctors' visits, phone calls to the doctors and lots of therapy. I was going to add up all the visits, hours on the phone, etc., but it was getting depressing and I don't really have time...so maybe you'll get the stats in another post! On a happy note, he passed an extensive hearing test, so we know his hearing is not affecting his speech.

Chase's newest skill is proficiency at scooting on his bottom! I think in the last update I mentioned he was slowly working on that, and within a week of that post, he took off! Now he can get into things and follow me around and bother the kids' toys! I love it!

These pictures show a couple of his quirks! Here he is scooting to me. The therapists laugh at his unique way of doing it, but it works for him! When he's upset or excited, he bites his hands a lot...or his sleeve if it gets in his way. And when things are too loud or he's scared, he puts his hands up by his ears like in the picture on the right. He might not be able to talk, but we're figuring out what he's thinking!

He's getting a lot better at purposeful release.

And nothing has changed in his relationship with Reese! She loves to be with him...as in right on top of him and in his face. And he continues to love her and laugh at her...but he's getting really good at pulling her hair if she stays in his face too long!

They Make Me Laugh

2011-05-19T06:00:00.005-04:00

Reese: Mommy, you can have one of my M&Ms.
Mommy: Thanks! Which color should I have?
Reese: Any color but the brown ones. They're the chocolate ones, and chocolate is my favorite.

Jackson: Why did Judas betray Jesus? He was one of Jesus' friends. Why would anyone do that to their King who is the most loving? (not funny but so sweet)

Reese talking to Jenna while riding a ferris wheel during a carnival at Jenna's college: Is this what you do for recess at cowege?

Jackson (after examining Chase's mouth): He has his canines coming in!

Jackson: I like my new socks. They make me run faster. I tested them out at school!

Jackson: I scored the second most baskets! I'm so glad I didn't get first!
Mommy: Why are you glad you didn't get first?
Jackson: Because you told me that God likes it when we're last.

Reese hits Jackson.
Jackson hits Reese.
Reese: Jackson, don't hit. Remember, when the people hit Jesus, he didn't hit them back.

Jackson (on his birthday): Mom, I don't feel the difference of being six. I know I felt the difference from 4 to 5, but I don't feel it from 5 to 6. Maybe it's because we haven't had cake yet. Maybe eating cake makes you feel the difference.

Chase is getting bigger and has thus outgrown his jammies. :( One of his toes was sticking out of his jammies, which made Jackson comment: Chase is hatching!

Reese: I can't catch the robins! I'm trying to sneak on them, but they see me. How do they see me? Their eyes are tiny!

Jackson: Chase, will you please learn to walk today? I need a boy to play with!

Reese: Mommy, you look mean with a ponytail! (I guess ponytails are not my most flattering hair style!)

MOPS

2011-05-16T06:00:00.003-04:00

This past week was our last meeting of MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) for the year. I suppose the promise of summer's approach makes this fact not quite as sad, but I will still miss my MOPS friends over the summer. So thankful for that group of women! They make sleepless nights normal and diaper blowouts laughable! They acknowledge mistakes, provide advice and offer friendship!

To end our MOPS season on a happy note, we had a MOPS fun fair for the kids after our meeting!

Chase was a little awestruck by the whole event. But once he started moving, he loved darting all over the gym. Unfortunately he's not very good at watching out for little toes while he speeds around!

Reese loved everything, but the jump house was her favorite!

Getting a caterpillar painted on her arm. She cried bitter tears when it washed off in the bathtub.

Jackson's Friend

2011-05-12T14:54:00.000-04:00

Remember my post last week about Jackson's friend? I thought I'd give you a little update on how Kaleb is doing since I know many of you are praying for him!

Kaleb was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) and has already begun chemo treatments. We were all thrilled when he was able to leave the hospital earlier this week. Jackson and Reese can't wait to see him! The doctors are optomistic about his recovery while at the same time predicting a long three years of treatment.

Specific prayer requests include:

Effectiveness of chemo
Safety in travel back and forth to the U of M
Kaleb willingly taking his medications (his mom has her hands full in getting him to take many different medicines, all of which he does not like)
God's glory to shine through this family
Peace and strength DAILY, minute by minute

Thanks for caring for this family in prayer, even though many of you have never met them. I'm sure I will give updates on here periodically about Kaleb's progress, but if you are on facebook, you can get more frequent updates by going to this page and clicking the "like" button.

Spring Cleaning

2011-05-11T09:10:00.000-04:00

...is fun!

Or at least it's fun when I get to watch my sweet guy wash the windows for me!

Actually, I helped! I washed the inside, but he took pity upon my shortness and washed the outside for me! I'm loved! (Sometimes it pays to be short!)

Birthday Party

2011-05-09T14:47:00.000-04:00

So we partied this past Saturday! We had a late birthday party for Jackson combined with an early party for Aunt Kara's birthday and Mother's Day!

The whole Beery family was together for the first time in WAAAAY too long...so fun to see everyone and for the cousins to reunite in the mutual bond of laughing and running and silliness!

A trampoline was recently donated to our back yard...that was the main attraction! I'm still deciding on whether I want it or not, as visions of broken arms and legs float in my head. The kids do not seem bothered by such possibilities!

Cousin Oakely is now old enough to be Jackson's shadow! They are so fun to watch!

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T15:01:00.000-04:00

Happy Mother's Day to me!

I had to remind the kids to tell me Happy Mother's Day.

And Chase didn't get the memo that moms get to sleep in on Mother's Day.

And as I ponder my kids' lack of amazement at what a supermom they have, I'm overwhelmed with gratefulness for all that my mom did for me, for all she sacrificed to be a mom to six, not-so-perfect kids, all without much gratitude from us at the time! I love her!

And, since I didn't get Easter pics, here's me with the sweetest batch of kids around!

(Sorry, no individual picture of Chase. He was not in a posing mood.)

He Was Here

2011-05-05T09:59:00.003-04:00

Last night he was here - Jackson's little two-year-old friend. He came because Jackson wanted to celebrate his birthday with his friend. And because I wanted to chat with his mom. (And Matt was out of town.)

He played with the kids. Ate pizza. Watched Jackson blow out his candle on his cookie. Last night was the calm before the storm, the uneasy waiting for the next day's clouds.

His mom and I talked, about lots of things, but on the edge of our conversation flitted the worried talk of his doctor visit that day. His blood tests. The symptoms that had come out of the blue and seemed to point to something serious. The wondering what the results of the tests would reveal. Serious, scary worries that we didn't want to acknowledge but wouldn't disappear.

And today the sinking feeling came when I heard her voice on the phone, when I heard the tears. This morning they were ordered to the hospital right away with their boy, and after a morning of tests, they were sent to the U of M. The possible diagnosis ripped my heart, not just because she's my dear friend, not just because I love her boy, but because this is my friend who lost her baby at birth less than two months ago.

She and her husband gave God such glory in that devastation, and now my human heart wants this all to stop. I want to tell God to take it away, that He can't let them go through another valley full of shadows, that they have cried enough, hurt enough.

Hard to believe that last night he was here. Playing.

Tonight he's in the hospital. Enduring all that goes with cancer and its treatment.

Pray for them. That God's lovingkindness would conquer the fear that lurks. That they would KNOW their Shepherd walks with them. That God would heal little K.

written May 4th

30 Hour Famine

2011-05-05T06:00:00.007-04:00

Last week at this time I was prepping myself for 30 hours without food! Every year we do the 30 Hour Famine with our youth group - the teens ask people to sponsor them to go without food in order to raise money for a project we select in a developing country. This year we teamed up with CH Global to raise money for a water-collection system in Ethiopia.

Our hope is that through this event the students will grow in thankfulness and Christ's compassion as we focus on the needs of people we have never met.

Of course, it's also really fun to spend time together, too, as a group! Most of the students' time during the 30 hours is spent at school and home. It's a great way for them to talk with their friends about the compassion of Christ. But for the last seven hours we come together as a group to do service projects, talk about life in other countries and have FUN!

For our work project we played with kids at the Neighborhood House! So much fun! Did you see all those smiling faces above? This was over 24 hours into the fast, and the teens were still smiling!

Happy Birthday, Little Man

2011-05-03T06:00:00.021-04:00

My oldest is six today! Happy Birthday, Jackson!

I love you! I love your sweet, tender heart!

I love that you still love to cuddle with me.

I love how you wave goodbye and blow kisses every morning when you get on the bus! (I will remember this with fondness when you are 16!)

I love that you talk about Jesus...a lot.

I love how you take care of Chase and how anxious you are for him to walk so he can run outside with you!

I love to watch you master your bike.

I love that you love your daddy!

I love to see you at school, and I love to hear you read!

I love how you say, "Easy Peasy!" I love your hugs. I love your teasing!

I love so many things that you do, but most of all I just love YOU!

Trumpet Lessons

2011-05-02T06:08:00.005-04:00

Matt plays the trumpet. And I don't just mean plays; I mean PLAYS! He's amazing! And he's a great teacher, too.

I'm musically illiterate, but that looks like a pretty good embouchure to me!

Working at Silly

2011-04-28T06:00:00.003-04:00

I am not spontaneous. Creativity is not my strength. I like routine! Really, I don't like the label boring, but I admit that such a label may be fairly accurate. So I have to work at having fun. Sad I know, but that's the truth of it. I'd rather accomplish a project than play a game. Thus, I have to work at silliness as a mom. I told Matt the other day that I don't want to miss out on having FUN with the kids!

So here's to working at silliness!

(It may sound like an oxymoron, but that's my reality!)

The kids are helping me out in this endeavor!

Silly Faces by Reese

In Love

2011-04-26T06:00:00.013-04:00

I am in love! With this picture! The greatest guy in the world with the sweetest baby!

This picture captures my boy and my man in utter happiness! This is our relationship with Chase.

Yes, his delays are on my mind a lot. We drive to many doctor appointments. He puts up with hours of physical therapy. (In this picture he has on a Benik vest to help with developing balance.)

But we wouldn't trade any of that. Because we have him. And he is worth the world to us.

We are crazy in love with him - just as he is. And he's happy about that!

He is Risen!

2011-04-24T14:00:00.002-04:00

"He is not here. He has risen!"

Luke 24:6

Such simple syllables to declare such sin-shattering truth! Our God died and lives because of his love for us. We are rescued! Let us celebrate!

We celebrated in our family with coloring eggs and Easter egg hunts and treats! Traditions that really have nothing to do with sacrifice and love and death and victory. Next year I hope to create some type of "Advent" remembrance for Easter. But this year we searched for the baskets and talked about how the disciples searched in a tomb for a friend who was dead and found their Savior...ALIVE! Sweet victory!

And in case you're wondering why there are no cute pictures of kids dressed in new outfits, well, it's because two of the three were sick. But, don't despair! Better times are coming! When sin and sickness, colds and fevers, death and graves are conquered forever!

Chase Update

2011-04-21T06:00:00.017-04:00

Chase will be 19 months old on Saturday!

He has had lots of doctor visits this month! So far he's had two visits to his pediatrician in Saginaw, a consultation with his geneticist in Detroit, and an examination by his physical therapy specialist, who comes to Saginaw from Detroit. So glad we didn't have to drive to Detroit again for that one! I'm anticipating another trip to Detroit in the near future for more tests and blood work.

The latest medical verdict we've received on Chase after meeting with these specialists is that his global delays (delays in gross motor, fine motor and speech) are most likely due to a genetic disorder. Due to the complexity of genes, that may be the closest we get to a diagnosis. May never have a name for it.
Chase's physiatrist is happy with the muscle strength he's gained and feels that Chase learning to walk will be dependent on the amount of progress he makes in balance - a little something that comes in handy when walking! Hopefully this is next on his to-do list!
Chase is 20th percentile for weight, 25th percentile for height and 97th percentile for head size. He's gone up a bit in height and weight, and his head growth is now remaining steady rather than spiking!
Chase is a little speedster in his pony walker!
He is slowly developing a cute little butt scoot!
He has 14 teeth, with two more almost in. (The geneticist had a fun time working around Chase's bite while trying to examine his palate!)
Some of the sounds we hear a lot in his babblings are: d, m, n, g, t, k, long a, long e, short a, short o
Chase is a little flirt! He gives really good kisses, although you have to watch out for slobber and biting.

I Love Jenna

2011-04-19T13:48:00.002-04:00

I love Jenna, Matt's sister who lives with us! She makes my life so happy!

Picture is from last summer when Chase was oh so little!

For instance, last Friday's schedule involved a visit to the pediatrician's office for check-ups for Reese and Chase. As I was about to leave, Jenna offered to tag along. I didn't really think I needed help, but I'm always glad to have a friend with me! So off we went...and by the end of the appointment, I was so glad Jenna was there. Reese absolutely had to use the bathroom right before the doctor walked in, so Jenna escorted her to the ladies room while the doctor got started with Chase. There is nothing worse than losing our place in the lllooonnnggg patient line-up just for a potty break! And after Reese endured FIVE shots, Jenna comforted Reese while Chase had his turn. (Reese was quite miffed that he only had to get one shot!) Don't know how we would have coped without Jenna's comforting arms!

Jenna also comes up with fun things for us to do! Her university had a Street Fest last Saturday, so we got to enjoy rides and balloons and junk food with her - all for free! Yes, it was rainy, but in my books, anything FREE trumps the rain!

We love Jenna! I would suggest to all my mommy friends out there that you get a Jenna - except she's one of a kind and we aren't sharing her!

They Make Me Laugh

2011-04-18T10:51:00.000-04:00

Jackson: Hopefully you'll still be alive when I get a job! Cause I'm going to be a photographer, and I want you to see the pictures I take. (So glad he sees being a photographer as a fun job. Little concerned that he sees me as old!)

Jackson: Reese tooted on my arm while we were wrestling. Now it's going to smell forever.

Reese: REALLY loud burp - Wow! That was a big one. I just ate a bunch of oranges. Oranges must be gassy.

Daddy: We gotta get ready for our garage sale!
Reese: (disgusted) Great. I gotta give the people all my junk!

Reese: Jackson, you're going to be my prince.
Jackson: No I'm not.
Reese: Come on. It's not that bad.
Jackson: Yes it is!
Reese: Fine, daddy will be my prince!
Jenna: Chase could be your prince.
Reese: No, he doesn't know how to dance.

Grace

2011-04-14T05:45:00.029-04:00

Sunday afternoons are fairly calm and uneventful at our house. Lots of napping, reading, lounging and resting. Until about 10 minutes before it's time to leave for church. And then it's controlled chaos. Somehow I never start the getting-ready, climbing-in-the-van process quite early enough, and we end up having a modified, mad rush for the door!

As usual, this was the scene this past Sunday. We rushed out the door, clambered in the van and were a little ways down the road when Jackson declared in a panicked voice, "I forgot my bag!"

His bag is important. It contains his homework for his evening class at church. It carries his Bible. It earns him reward points. Thus, it is TRAGIC when the bag does not accompany him on Sunday nights. TRAGIC as in TEARS (and lots of them)!

So we turned around. We retrieved the bag. But of course I had to throw in a mini lecture about responsibility and being almost six years old and not forgetting things.

The lecture was really picking up steam when I had to hit the brakes - because I remembered my own forgetfulness. Just that morning I had sat in church, listening to the worship team practice the morning songs while I perused the bulletin when I saw...my name...listed in the slot for Children's Church teacher. Gulp! That was not on my agenda for the morning! After frantically racking my brain, I realized that it really was my turn to teach. And that I had forgotten. And nary a one of my teaching materials was in the church.

Fortunately we were at church early for Matt to practice with the worship team. So I had time. I came up with a lesson based on a Bible study I'm doing with friends. I thought up object lessons, with help from Jenna of course. I taught the lesson. And the kids were none the wiser that they had a forgetful teacher (unless some of you tell them!).

Point is I'm forgetful. My kids are forgetful. But when I'm forgetful, I blame it on lack of sleep, lack of communication, lack of sunlight. Lack of anything but my own lack of responsibility! When my kids are forgetful, however, I don't accept excuses. I expect responsible perfection. Of course I need to teach them responsibility, just like I need to be responsible. But I think I also need to teach them a little more about grace.

I expect my kids to share. To love each other. To be patient. To say kind words. But when I think about it, I have a hard time sharing, especially chocolate! Loving the person who annoys me isn't easy. I am so NOT patient all the time. Maybe not even the majority of the time. My kind words disappear when the 21st sibling fight of the day commences. I look at me, and the areas where I demand perfection from my kids are the same areas where I desperately need God's grace and help.

So my homework for this next week is to have reasonable expectations for my children, but to season those expectations with grace.